Buried
by firstlove22
Summary: Sequel to Hidden Shades- Christian, is now just trying to get over the kidnapping that was brought on upon him by Jack and Jose. It hasn't and will never be the same for him after what happened in that forest. He has lost all hope and is pissed with even his own family. Will Christian make it through, or will Jack win scarring poor Christian forever? WARNING:Rape is mentioned!
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

 _ **Anastasia**_

 _I'm sitting outside on the porch as the storm begins to worsen. The rain comes down hard causing the streets to flood and many people to run into their homes for cover. Lighting brightens the sky and loud claps of thunder causes many animals to jump. The lightning is beautiful as large flashes shine in front of my house._

 _I pet the neighborhood cat, Zoey, as she lays beside me. She's not scared of storms like the others. She's brave and the only thing she's scared of is when other kids mess with her._

 _I'm sitting on the porch because I didn't feel like hiding in the closet today. Usually moms pimp wants me in there but he's not here, only her first client. I didn't want to hear him make my mom scream or listen to him yell at her for not being good enough. When I would peek out of the closet I would see him give her a bag full of white stuff. I thought it was sugar at first, but when I had snuck it from my mom and tried it I knew it was something different. I had gotten sick and my mom and the pimp beat me for taking it. I was thrown and locked back in the closet for several days without food._

 _After the days were up mom was upset. She didn't want to keep me locked up, but she explained it was either keeping me locked up or having the man kill me. I believed her, and she didn't lie. She made sure the pimp wasn't around and fed me. The baggy she was given, she sold just so she could get me food. It makes her sick, but she would rather have me eat._

 _I hear the door slam against the porch. I look back and see the man who was just with my mom. He gives a loud sigh. When I look down I realize that his pants are still unbuttoned and unzipped. He must feel my eyes on him because he looks down at me. A sick smile marks his face. I flinch._

 _He walks over and kicks Zoey away, causing her to hiss at him. I push his foot away but he Smacks the back of my head._

" _Better watch it kid." then he grips my hair. "I wouldn't mind a round with you." my whole body freezes._

" _Stay the fuck away from him!" I hear my mom snap. I close my eyes. My heart feels like it's about to beat out of its chest._

" _What the hell are you going to do about it?" he laughs. "You know Logan doesn't care if I have your son. The more money the better." I can hear the smile in his voice._

…

"Son of a bitch!" I look up at Christian in shock.

For the past few weeks Christian and I have grown closer. After our confessions we don't feel as separated from one another. I still haven't explained my past to him yet but one day I will. Just not yet.

That day, Christian found out that Ashton and Ray were leaving. He tried to stop them but they had to get back to work. The only reason they came was to care for Christian's home and him. They promised they would visit us soon though.

I watch Christian jump out of the seat next to me and throw it across the room. I quickly get up and put my hands on his shoulders. His breathing starts to calm down, but his muscles are still tense.

"What's wrong baby?" I ask him. He shakes his head.

"That was his name Anastasia." he whispers. "That was the pimps goddamn name. How could I forget something like that!?" he punches a hole in the wall.

"You were four Christian. I'm surprised you're remembering all of this information." I try telling him.

He looks deep in thought, as if he's trying to come up with a reasonable answer so he doesn't have to believe me. I swear this man is so damn irritating. I want to punch the hell out of him.

He looks up at me, no signs of emotion cross his beautiful face. It's like he wanted to wipe what he just remembered away. It's hard though, especially when the pain is so evident in his eyes.

A few moments later, Taylor comes walking through the door. He notices that the office is destroyed but doesn't say anything, just stands there. Christian throwing tantrums isn't uncommon for us anymore. Ever since the kidnapping with Jack a few weeks ago, Christian has been out of it. His nightmares have been nonstop and the fits have been worse. His anger with the employees have been unlike Christians usual personality as well. We're trying to have him talk to Flynn a bit more but he's just not having it.

If we mention Flynn he snaps at us. He thinks we're calling him crazy. Mia is going through an emotional state as well because Christian won't even look at her. Every time I say that Mia is coming to see him he runs to his room and hides, causing Mia to hide from us as well. She barely talks to any of us. She's becoming just like Christian.

"Ana I don't care. I should have remembered who fucking abused me." he says. He walks over to the couch and grabs his suit jacket from where he threw it earlier.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"I'm going to the office." he mutters, slamming the office door behind him. The pictures on the office walls shake. I look at Taylor and notice he is keeping a straight face.

"Can you keep an eye on him." he nods.

"You never have to ask." he turns around and opens the door walking out.

I save the document and shutdown the computer.

What am I going to do? I can't let Christian keep shutting himself down like this. What if he gets to the point where he doesn't talk to anyone? He's barely talking to me as it is. He's only talking to me about the book now because I mentioned therapy and he had gotten pissed. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed it but he needed it.

Shit. What the fuck are we all going to do?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One**

 _ **Christian**_

I crumble up the piece of paper and throw it in the corner, watching it make it in the been. Fuck, I actually made it. I bring my hand to my lips to feel the small smile that spreads across my lips. Of course that's the fucking shit that makes me smile. Not my damn family.

All they do is push for me to see help, to see Flynn. Can't they understand that I'm fine? The more they push me the more I'm fucking hurting. They just don't know that when they mention every fucking name I see it. I see what Jack did to me. I remember what he told me about Mia. I remember every fucking detail and I just want it to go away.

I don't need some goddamn shrink to go to. Flynn is my friend but I can't tell him this. I'm not crazy I just can't bear to deal with the pain of Jack's words or remembering what the did to me. He's beaten me emotionally. He's even beaten me physically. They all did. He's killed me on the inside. The outside. Alex knows everything that's happened but he's promised not to tell anyone what happened to me.

I know Taylor is standing outside the office so I don't hurt myself. I'm not that stupid. At least I don't think I am. I know they care deeply about me but I wish they would just back off.

I throw everything off my desk. My cellphone suddenly starts ringing out of nowhere. Great, no I bet it's fucking Elliot.

"What?" I snap.

"Is that the way to talk to an old friend you dick?" a voice chuckles.

"Sorry Caleb. It's been awhile." I sigh.

"What's wrong with you man? I heard your ass was left for dead awhile back. I'm glad that wasn't true." he draws out in his thick accent. "My ass was boohooin at that funeral." I can't help but laugh.

Caleb and I met five years ago at this ranch when I was adopting Hope and her three sisters and brothers. His family were very inviting and we sort of became a pack since then. We became friends because I defended one of his brothers. His brother is gay and was being bullied by one of the town assholes and I beat shit out of them. I'm loved by the whole family. I call his parents ma and da. If I don't call them that I get slapped by ma.

"Well, I'm fine Caleb. Don't worry. Now why are you calling?" I ask.

"We are having our usual family get together. Ma and da told me to remind you." he hints. I groan. I don't feel like going to this one.

"Not this one Caleb." I sigh. The lines silent.

"Either you tell ma, or you come. Pick." shit.

"Fuck you Caleb." I growl. He laughs.

"Watch the language Chris." I roll my eyes.

"Whatever. Tell ma I'm bringing someone." he whistles.

"You finally growing up." I can hear the smile in his voice. "See you tonight man."

I hang up and send a quick text to Ana. Shit, what the hell am I going to do. Ma is going to kill me if I just stand there like a bum on a log. She isn't one of those women who backs down. Her ass fucking fights until she gets what she wants.

My phone vibrates with an incoming text from Ana. I chuckle.

 _Wait, what? Who the hell is Caleb? - Ana_

 _A friend of mine - Christian_

 _Can I wear blue jeans and a t-shirt? -Ana_

I smile. She isn't one of those girls who wants to put on dresses twenty four seven. She loves her jeans and t-shirts and it's so damn sexy. This get together is thankfully nothing. The girls just like to dress up and show themselves off. My girl doesn't have to.

 _You can baby. - Christian_

 _Thanks Christian. I love you. - Ana_

 _I love you too. - Christian_

I send a quick text to Taylor and have him come inside, telling him he doesn't have to hide anymore. A few moments later he comes into the office. He looks around the office and must see the disaster cluttering around my desk. I don't care though. I just want to get out of here.

The emails are sent through and finally done so Ros won't be pissed. Taylor is waiting for me to give him directions and I'm waiting for myself to assign him as well. I'm not being mean to Taylor. I've just been trying to ignore him just like I've been ignoring everyone else.

"I'm going to Caleb's family get together tonight as usual." I grumble. "I don't want ma getting pissed at me." I see his body shake with laughter. I glare.

"Sorry." he coughs.

"Anyways, Ana's coming and you are coming as you usually do. I just wanted to let you know before I left." I explain.

"She's just a small woman." he starts, but I stop him.

"No she isn't. That woman's tough Jason. You already remembered what happened when you cursed around her." he shivers. I grin. "That's what I thought."

…

I pull up to the house and see that Ana's car isn't here. Frowning, I walk out back. Where is she?

Jackson comes running up to me in excitement, but then I realize why. I noticed that he has a dead snake in his mouth. Shaking my head I grab it from him and toss it in the burn pile. I'm glad he got to it before the thing could get to our horses. They're hard to calm down when they see them.

I grab a treat from the kitchen and give it to him. He does a couple of spins before running off, causing me to laugh. I run back inside to change into my jeans and t-shirt. The work outside needs to get done before we leave tonight. I wonder how Hope's doing as well. She's only got five weeks left in her pregnancy and she's already becoming antsy.

Walking back outside I grab one of the barrels of hay and carry it over next to the barn. I drag it behind me and take it over to the cows. These ungrateful fuckers need to start loving me soon, because I spoil the shit out of them. I have five cows that I adopted and they absolutely hate everyone one of us.

After tossing the their food, I feed everyone else. I have to toss out shit in the burn pile and start over. I don't know why I tossed that goddamn snake in there without looking. I feel stupid.

Before I can start on the pile I hear someone walk up behind me. My heart quickly starts pounding by memories flooding back. I quickly turn around. When I do I just see Ana, which causes me to relax. I'm fucking stupid, they're in jail you idiot.

"Hey baby." I say. She crosses her arms, which causes me to frown. "What's wrong?"

Her eyes run up and down my body, and her tongue darts across her bottom lip. "Do you know how fucking sexy you are?" she asks. I raise my eyebrows. Shouldn't I be the one asking her this.

She walks over to me, running her fingers along my stomach. I can already feel my cock hardening at her soft touch. Oh what this woman does to me.

"Working, covered in sweat." she whispers. "So damn hot." I can't mask the groan I was trying to hide.

"Fuck Ana."

She moves in front of me and nibbles a path along my jaw. Licking and sucking, pressing her body tightly against mine. I know what's she's doing. She's trying to make me forget. Forget every bad thing that's ever happened to me. Forget about every bad thing that's been brought to my attention. Ana's trying to make it go away without making me have to relive it.

I slam my lips to her, devouring her. I run my tongue across her lips asking for permission and when she gives me access I almost cry with glee. How can she not be mad at me? It's been so long since Ana and I have had each other and it's been my fault.

I hear someone cough awkwardly and when we pull away from each other I see Taylor looking uncomfortable. He is almost as red as a tomato. I would be to. Ana and me are like his kids which is really creepy when you put it in those terms.

I put Ana down and look at him. I'm really pissed right now.

"Yeah Jason?" I ask.

"It's time to go Christian. Hurry your asses up." he turns around and walks off. He's mad.

"Shit." I curse, running my hands over my face. Ana looks at my, confused.

"What?"

"I can't have him catching me with you. He knows we're together, but it's still inappropriate." Ana raises her eyebrows at me.

"Says the guy who spanks me and ties me up." I grin, and pull her to me.

"Shut up." I chuckle. "Let's go get ready beautiful."

We had gotten in my truck and are now on our way to Caleb's family ranch. Taylor is right behind us, and I don't know if he is still mad or not. I really hope that he's not. I hate when he's mad at me. He's like my second dad.

On our way down the drive I keep looking over at Ana. She's wearing her usual blue jeans and a white t-shirt. All I keep picturing is a wet t-shirt contest. I guess Elliot had gotten to me. I'm usually not a pervert. What's getting to me though is her breast.

Caleb's parents have a very bumpy driveway and I'm very thankful that it's long. She's holding onto the window and it's making quiet chuckles fall out of my mouth. But all u can focus on her gorgeous tits. I guess I'm going to ma and das house with a boner. Fucking great.

When we get to the end of the drive, I walk over to Ana's side and open her door. When she hops out she grabs my shirt. I feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest as she runs her finger over my neck.

"You don't think I didn't see you watching my chest?" she asks. I grin.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I small smirk shines across her face. I grab her hand and pull her forward.

I can hear the music already in swing. I can already hear people laughing and talking as I walk closer to the house. We're not supposed to go to the house though, it's the back yard. These people are always loud. That's why I always loved them. They're different and different. Just like my family.

When we walk through the house I see that some people are just talking on and off about some things. It's mainly about politics and shit. Stuff I don't care for. We finally make it out back and see a heard of people and music is blasting.

The girls are dressed as barbies as usual and the guys are in their jeans and t-shirts. Country music is playing on the radios of multiple trucks. I see that they're making steaks and ribs for us this year. I can already feel my stomach rumble. I chuckle at the memory of what Ana said to Leila.

The guys are playing horseshoe while drinking beer. Some of the girls and guys are even drinking 'bitch beer' as we like to call it. The beer that has flavor to it. I grin.

Before I can pull Ana with me, I hear Caleb's voice.

"Hey Chris. You made it!" I grin.

"I told you I would." I roll my eyes. He shrugs then looks at Ana.

"Well hello." he wiggle his eyebrows. "Finally a girl who doesn't plaster on make-up at a shindig." he draws out. Ana giggles causing me to shake my head.

"Oh boy." I look up. "Aren't you in a relationship you idiot?"

"Um no. That ship sailed a month ago. So, can't I flirt?" he asks.

"Um, no?" Ana laughs at us. I peck her on the lips. "I'll be right back. I'm going to go talk to ma." she nods.

"I'm going to go eat steak." she licks her lips before darting off. I chuckle.

I look back at Caleb and see him staring at me in shock.

"Shit, where'd you find her?" he asks.

"She works for me." his mouth drops open. He starts clapping.

"Even better." I laugh then push him.

"You're fucking stupid."

"Christian Trevelyan Grey! Caleb Alexander Parker!" I flinch. I look over and see ma tapping her foot. Her arms are crossed and she has a look that could kill. We're so dead.

I look back at Caleb and see that he's looking anywhere but at me. He looks like he's about to make a run for it but Ryan, his older brother, catches him. Ryan is the one I defended against the town asshole. His boyfriend should be here somewhere. They've been together for three years.

Caleb and I with our heads down, as if we been caught with our hands in the cookie jar. Caleb glares at Ryan but Ryan ignores his looks and gives me a sympathetic look. I shrug. I knew better than to use that kind of language around here. I turn my attention back to ma. She has tears in her eyes. I frown.

"Do you know how upset we were going to that funeral?" she's about to wrap her arms around me but I stop her. She looks pissed, and grabs my hands tightly. "I hope those men get what they deserve. It felt like we lost another one of our sons." I watch her tiny body shake. I kiss the top of her head.

"Don't worry, I'm fine." I try to tell her. She pulls away, then smacks the back of my head causing me to groan.

"Good, because I still don't like that language around here." she smacks the back of Caleb's head to. He whimpers. Damn that hurt.

"Da is cooking with the rest of the men. You can go socialize with the family and friends until dinners ready." we nod. "Watch your mouths."

We watch her walk off until we quickly run away from her sight. That woman was almost the death of us. She always had a good arm and I always would ask if she played softball, which would make everyone laugh. I never understood the joke.

Making it over to the horseshoes, I see Caleb's brothers with their friends. A few girls are trying to flirt with them and others are just trying to show off how good they good they can play the game or how much they can drink. The guys simply ignore the girls and go back to talking to one another while the girls give off over exaggerated pouts.

"Hey Chris, isn't that your girl?" Caleb asks with a grin.

I look over and see Ana with a few of the girls who came over all dressed up. They are away from us, where we can barely see them. The make-up they were wearing is now off and all the girls dresses are covered in dirt. The heels the girls wore are gone and they are all barefoot. They all are talking about something as they walk across the field and ignore the yells coming from the other fancy dressed girls.

When they start walking back up, I see that three girls are wet. I look at Caleb and see that he's staring. I nudge him. He looks at me.

"Your girl knows how to make them loosen up." I grin.

"Trust me, I know." he rolls his eyes.

"Why take things the dirty way man?" he asks. I laugh.

"I have Elliot as a brother." he laughs with me.

"Well I'm going to go play with one of the girls your little Ana defluttered." I shake my head. Idiot.

I watch as Ana walks to a back of a truck and slides onto the tailgate. She looks down at the ground and starts swinging her legs. She's so beautiful. How did I deserve someone so amazingly perfect as her. I'm so thankful that Ray didn't get upset about me dating his daughter. Loving his daughter. Hopefully, one day, marrying his daughter. I want her to be my someone.

That beautiful smile. The way she scrunches her nose when she's trying to figure something out. Or when she blushes bright red when she get really nervous about certain things. Usually everything when it comes to me.

I smile, but when I look back up I see her talking to someone. It's some guy that usually comes to these parties. I never liked him because he always sent mixed signals towards Ryan. As in, I will kick your ass if you come near me. Asshole. I watch Ana's hand come up, dismissing him. She smiles shaking her head. I can't stop the big grin that spreads across my face.

I watch the guy stomp away, and Ana hides her smile. I make my way over to her and when she sees me her smile grows. I'm the one who put that there, no one else.

I sit down beside her, causing the truck to lower down some more and Ana to giggle. So cute. She kisses the side of my neck causing a shock to run down to my cock. I keep the growl that's trying to force its way up buried.

I hear her gasp. Looking over I see excitement cross her features. I frown.

"What?" I ask.

"This is my song! I've been listening all night for this!" she smiles. "I want to dance Christian."

Before I can say anything, she grabs my hands and pulls me onto the middle of the dance floor. I can't help but laugh, and pull her towards me. Ana has the biggest smile on her face as we dance to this one song. I don't know what it means to her but if it makes her this happy, then so be it.

I spin her, causing her to let out a small squeal. Then I put my hand on her hip and my other in her hand. She's looking at me as if I'm her last breath. I've never been that special to someone before. The pain in my chest increases as she continues to stare and when she brings her lips to mine it's as if the pain is finally extinguished but only a little.

"I love you so much Christian." she whispers.

"I love you too Ana."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Two**

 _ **Christian**_

"I honestly don't give two fucks." I snap at the guys.

I'm back at the Parker's family ranch and Caleb is trying to push me on the subject about about why I'm getting irritated with my family. The man just doesn't understand why I'm mad and frustrated. I don't want to bring up the goddamn memories for crying out loud! I can even feel where Jack cut off my burns. Can't they all just leave me alone?

"All I'm just saying is that maybe if you open up, you'll feel better." he points out. I glare at him.

"Are you fucking stupid?" I ask. "Telling someone this shit would make me feel better? It's hard enough trying not to think about it Cay." I drop my head.

"Caleb, either leave him alone or I'm getting ma." I hear Ryan say.

I look up and see Ryan walking over towards us. He hops over the fence of the barn and shoots his brother a dirty look. Caleb holds his hands up in surrender and apologizes to me before leaving. Ryan takes the spot on the log next to me. I grunt when I see the pity in his eyes.

"I don't pity your ass, don't worry." he says leaning back. "I'm constantly mocked and I get fucked around with. It's not like your case but I'm not going to pity you because it will only upset you like it does me." I chuckle, but stop.

"Who's messing with you?" he looks at the ground. "You better fucking tell me."

Pursing his lips he murmurs the names, "George, Randy and John." I squint.

"Why don't you speak up Ryan?" he looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Me? Chris, I'm hiding but I'm not letting it destroy me. I understand how you don't want to relive something. For the love of God, my ass hasn't wanted to relive what those jerks did to me every day." he frowns looking off.

I know I wasn't able to protect him beforehand, but now I'm here. I can protect this guy's stubborn ass. I'll have to have a chat with his boyfriend telling him what secrets he's been keeping from everyone. We can't have that right now.

"I'm not destroying myself Ryan." he stops me.

"Yes you are." he sighs. "You came walking into the ranch as if someone took your ice cream. As soon as that girl took you onto that dance floor your smile couldn't have gotten bigger. Seems like you have something that can break right through you." I chuckle.

"Yeah, I love her." I look up when he grows quiet. He's just staring at me. Then quickly shakes his head as if he didn't hear what I just said.

"Wait, love?" I nod. "For the love of all that's holy, I need to tell ma. You comin?" I roll my eyes.

"You're just like Caleb you damn blabbering ass." we stand up and dust ourselves off. Ryan walks ahead of me as soon as he sees his boyfriend, Ian.

The two embrace each other in a kiss. I hide a smile. I love picking on the two of them only because Ryan gets embarrassed so easily. Ian just laughs along with me but always gets a whine from Ryan. The couple is adorable.

"You two need a condom?" I ask. "Has to be quick though before ma comes searching for ya." right on cue, Ryan turns a bright red.

"Don't worry about it, Chris, I brought everything." we both laugh hard as Ryan covers his face.

"Would you two shut up." he hisses. "Oh my God, you two are humiliating together. I should have never introduced you to him." he says to me.

"Now that's rude." I pretend to be hurt. "You know you love me." I grin. He rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, I do you dick. Now go home to your girl before she's wondering where you are."

"Ian, I need to talk to you later." I watch Ryan freeze, and Ian looks back and forth between us. When he looks at me he just nods.

"Just call when you need to talk." he says wrapping an arm around Ryan. "Would you calm yourself baby?"

I walk off in the direction of my truck. Ryan's right, I need to get back home to Ana, but she's probably at work right now. That will give me time to do something that needs to be done.

…..

An hour later I pull up to Mia's house. I haven't talked to my family much since the accident because they keep pushing to find help. The person I really pushed away was Mia.

I could barely look at her without visualizing what they did to her. The guys at the station had to stop me from going into the cell where they were keeping Jack at several times. I wanted to kill him because of what he did to both Mia and my mother. I wanted to kill Jose. I wanted to torture them like they did them as well.

I guess I'm no different though. Mia isn't talking and it's because of me. She's been missing for years and I've been looking forward to this for so long and I can't even go near her. She's broken and I'm the goddamn reason.

Maybe this isn't a good idea. She probably doesn't want to even see me after I've ignored her for so long. She might go as far as slamming the door in my face. I deserve it though. Might as well try though.

Hopping out of my car, I head towards her front door. I softly knock and wait, nervously rocking on my heels. Footsteps start towards the door and before I can back out of the plan, the door opens. I'm not surprised to see Sawyer in front of me. He's surprised.

"Hey man." he says. "Do you need me back at work?" he asks. I shake my head.

"I need to talk to Mia." his eyebrows actually shoot up into his hairline causing me to hold back a chuckle.

"Come on." he waves me in, then looks me up and down. I frown. "You look like shit."

"Fuck you." I glare. He smiles a bit.

We walk through the house and down the hallway. Sawyer turns into a room and I follow him in. I realize it's Mia's bedroom. When I look around I finally see her curled up on her bed. She doesn't move when I close the door behind me and tissues surround her. I can hear her quietly sobbing.

I look over at Sawyer and he doesn't look affected by it. He just stands there as if it's her everyday routine. Nodding at me, he leaves the room. I take a deep breath and walk over to her.

She just cries harder, trying to swat me away. I'm confused by her actions.

"Luke, I said leave me alone!" she tries pushing me away. When she touches my stomach I flinch. It causes her to sit up.

Her bloodshot eyes widen in surprise, but she buries her face in her hands and cries harder. I pull her to me and try to keep her away from my body. Sadly, it's not the same anymore. The pains just too unbearable for anyone to touch me. Ana can barely even touch me as it is.

"It's actually you. You actually came." she sobs into my neck. "Why are you here?"

"I shouldn't have shut you out. It was- I-" I take a deep breath. She looks at me, frowning.

"What's wrong?" I shake my head. I'm not telling her, she doesn't need to relive this.

"I'm just tired Mia." I whisper. "I can't talk about something like that. Why would I want to relive all again?" she looks at me for a moment.

"You told John about your past didn't you?" I nod. "Why can't you do the same with this?" I clench my teeth.

"It almost felt worse. It actually was worse." Mia's eyes widen. "Jack was worse than the pimp."

"Oh Chrissy." I see tears slide down her face.

I don't know why she's crying, she had the same treatment I did. Except she was kept for years and not weeks.

"I'm fine." I say. She glares at me.

"I talked to Flynn." I raise my eyebrows at her. "I was quiet until I finally told him what happened. I didn't cry or talk to Luke all I did was stay quiet. All I thought was why the fuck should I talk to a shrink. I'm not crazy." I can't help but laugh, causing her to grin.

"Two great minds think alike." I say.

"Is that why you're upset with everyone?" I nod. "I was too. After I couldn't take being alone anymore, though, I finally decided to just push myself to fix things. I wanted a life. I told parts of what happened to Flynn yesterday. Not everything, but a summary of it." I feel sick. I know every detail of what happened to her.

"I can't Mia. I- only Alex knows." I choke. His mind is already fucked up enough after seeing it. He only told everyone parts of what happened to me, not everything. He knew I wouldn't want that.

"Just try Christian. You need to get better." she says simply. "Trust me, it's not because you're crazy but because you're fighting enough demons as it is." I smirk.

"You got that shit from Flynn."

"Bingo." she grins. I pull out my phone and dial Flynn's number.

It rings a few times before someone picks up. It sounds like a woman. It must be a receptionist.

"Yes, can I speak to John Flynn?" I ask.

"May I ask who's calling?" she asks. I'm about to hang up before Mia gives me a pleading look. I sigh.

"Christian Grey."

"One moment." she says. After a minute of sitting in silence the line sends me to another voice.

"Christian?" John asks surprised. I chuckle.

"Hey John. How have you been?" he laughs, causing a grin to form across my face.

"I should be asking you that, so what's this call for? An appointment or a date? I'm fine with either one." that causes me to laugh, hard. I've actually missed this idiot.

"You're an idiot." I chuckle. "I need a session John. Might as well get it over with. When can you get me in?" I ask.

"I'm free all day and Friday." he informs me.

"Um, I'm with Mia right now. So I can't today." Mia glares at me. "Wait, yes I can. I'll be over in a little while."

"Take your time."

We hang up, and Mia pushes me away. She gives me a smile. She looks proud of me. I wish that gave me confidence, but it just doesn't. I'm scared and my skin feels too tight for my body.

"You can do this Christian. Maybe we can try doing a session together." I quickly stop her.

"No!" I shake my head quickly. "I'm not letting you hear what happened to me, mimi. I love you, that's why I say this." she puts a hand on my cheek wiping my tears away that I didn't know were escaping.

"Chrissy, what did they do to you?" I shake my head.

"Nothing." I dismiss it, standing up.

Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, I try to hug her. She just pats my hand and walks with me out of the room. Mia has a big smile on her face as I walk to the front door. Luke is in the kitchen looking through his phone with a frown on his face. What's that look for?

"What's wrong Sawyer?" he jumps at the sound of my voice, dropping his voice on the counter.

He looks our way and when he sees the look on Mia's face he smiles too. When he looks at me he raises his phone.

"Mothers being a bitch as usual. Wanting money." he says.

"Do you need my help? I'll give it to you." I offer. His mouth forms in a straight line.

"It's for drugs Christian." I feel pain shoot through my chest. "Bitch always takes the money I send for her to go to rehab and just uses it for drugs. I finally stopped after three years."

"I'm sorry Sawyer." he laughs.

"You have no reason to be sorry Chris. The woman did this to herself and I was stupid to think she would change." he gives me a sad smile. I watch Mia walk over to him.

"Would you stop it? At least you tried. You never gave up just like you two never gave up on me. If I were you I would block her number so she would leave you alone." I nod.

"It's tough at first but it would be for the best. She won't change Sawyer. Once an addict, always an addict." he throws his phone on the counter and covers his face.

"You're right." he sighs.

I guess it's time for Mia to take care of Sawyer this time.

"I'm heading out. I'll see you two later on." I wave at them.

"Good luck Chrissy." Mia smiles. Sawyer looks at her confused.

"With what?" he asks.

Before she can say anything I'm out the door and heading towards the truck. I text Taylor and tell him to head to Flynn's.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three**

 _ **Christian**_

I'm sitting in my truck outside of Flynn's office. I'm going in there. I'm going in there to talk about what happened. Shit, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as Mia is. She suffered more than I did and I still don't have the balls to tell Flynn.

I grip the steering wheel tight and a sit back. How do I even begin to tell him what happened to me? Oh, hey Flynn these fuckers had me tied to a damn tree for a few weeks. Is that what they wanted me to explain?

I groan thinking about what I want to do but I see a shadow coming near the truck. My breath catches in my throat until I realized that it's Taylor. I bury my face in my hands and calm myself. He scared the hell out of me.

He taps on my window, and I roll it down. He has a concerned look on his face. I just shrug.

"You don't have to do this, Christian." he tells me. I sigh.

"If Mia did it, I'm going to do it as well." his eyes widen.

I open the door causing him to take a step back. I slam the door shut and lock it behind me. Taking a deep breath, I head for the building, Taylor is already opening the doors for me. Shit, don't speed it up for me.

When I walk in I noticed that it's empty. I guess John was right about him being free. Looking at the door I see it swing open and watch John himself walk out. He has a soft smile on his face. I give him a weak smile in return. He waves me forward and walks into the office. I look at Taylor.

"Be back in a moment." he nods, taking a seat.

I walk through the door and into John's office. I look around and chuckle. He always has it so neat in here. He's like Ana. To be honest I think John is very feminine and I think his wife did it to him which is hilarious.

Taking a seat across from the small couch, John offers it to me. I sit back.

"How have you been Christian?" he asks kindly. He hasn't grabbed his pen or notebook, so I know he's not going to push me.

"It's been terrible John." I say simply. "How's the wife and kids?"

"Perfect. Ashley is making perfect grades as is Garrett. Their mother's hormones are all over the place due to the pregnancy." he says practically annoyed causing me to laugh. He grins.

"That's sounds like hell, but a perfect one." he nods. Clapping his hands together he looks at me.

"Okay, now, why did you want to have this session today?" I freeze. "I know it wasn't for us to catch up on things."

"Everyone has been pushing for me to talk to you about what happened. It pissed me off John, I'm not crazy." he smirks. I shake my head at him smiling. "Asshole. That's why I haven't talked to them. Well I talked to Mia today and found out that she explained what happened to her to you."

"She told you that she was seeing me?" I nod.

"Well, I thought that since she was able to talk about what she went through to you or at least some parts of it why can't I. She had to go through years of that bullshit and I only had to go weeks. She suffered longer than I did." I explain.

"Are you ready to talk today?" I bite my lip and shrug.

"I don't know." he nods.

"How about you explain a few things to me as I write them down. We'll stop whenever you want." he says. "We don't even have to talk today if you don't want to."

I watch him get up and grab a notebook and pen off his desk. He jots down a few things before walking back over and sitting down. He puts his ankle over his knee and sits back waiting for me to talk. I'm not able to open my mouth though. The memories are flashing through my mind and it's as if I can see them in front of me.

"Christian?" he asks, waking me up from my daze. "Just talk about whatever you want. It doesn't matter what it is. Doesn't even have to be about what happened." I bite my cheek.

Looking back to the first day I was taken. I remember how Alex tried to protect me by telling me to pretend to sleep. The man was trying to keep me safe but Jack's hatred for me was just too much.

"Alex was the other man who fell victim to Jack and Jose. He was there for two years before I came along. When I woke up that first day he was so damn annoying, but cheered me up so I wouldn't feel even more trapped than I already was." I sigh. "He tried protecting me as they tortured me. Calling them multiple names in the book and spitting in their faces. He even told me to pretend to sleep on the first day. It didn't work though. Jack-" John looks at me. "Jack ran his nails over my chest. He new how to fuck with me then on. How to cause me the most pain. I thought that's all he was going to do besides beating the shit out of me." I whisper.

I remember all those other men helping him as he wouldn't leave me alone. All the blood leaves my body as I can feel their hands on me. My ears begin to ring.

"We can stop Christian." John offers.

"I just want it to stop John." I can't stop the tears. "It was bad enough having dreams about my past, but now the nightmares are even worse. Every fucking night it's the same. I can't even have sex with Ana without because of the fresh scars. When we get close to having sex I freeze. I want to, I do, but all I can think of is them!" I shout, standing up. I feel my breathing pick up.

I pull at my hair, I can feel some is being torn out. I don't care, I just can't take it anymore. Just put me out of my misery and make it all go away. The images and voices. Their words. Everything is all I see and hear every fucking day. That's why I didn't want to talk about it. I already see it every day and now John does too.

When I throw myself in my seat wiping at my tears, I feel someone put their hand on my shoulder. Looking over I see John looking at me with concern in his eyes. I shake my head.

"Christian," he asks, "did they rape you?" I bury my face in my hands and nod. I hear him curse.

"They stopped feeding me all together and when I tried to fight I was just so tired." I say in a hushed whisper, trying to block out the images.

I feel him get up. When I look up I see that he's sitting back in his seat. He looks pissed, but he's trying to hide it. He's not hiding it well because I can feel the anger hitting me. Shit, I've never seen John this pissed before. I frown. I tried to fight them. The thought makes me cry again. I couldn't help it, the emotions are hitting me full force.

"Christian, this wasn't your fault." John says. "You were helpless in the situation. Don't think anything other than that. Every victim will think that it's their fault and that they deserved it but that's not true. They had no say in it. Do you understand?" I look at my hands.

"Can we stop?" I whisper. He nods.

I stand up and begin walking towards the door. I can't believe I told him that. Why the fuck did I tell him that? Oh my God, what if he tries going to my family and tells them what happened. What if he doesn't care about the NDA and just tells them. I feel dizzy all of a sudden as the cool air of the reception area hits me. I have to grab onto the door as my legs begin to give out on me.

"Christian?" Taylor comes walking over. He looks over at John. John still looks pissed, but shakes his head. Taylor has to grab me by shoulders to keep me steady. "What's wrong boy?"

"I'm just tired Taylor." I sigh. He frowns.

"I'm driving you home, I'll have Sawyer come get your truck." I nod, hanging my head as he drags me to the SUV.

"Taylor, call me if anything happens." John orders. He nods. "I mean it. Even if Christian says no."

"I'm still here." I say, pushing away from Taylor.

They look at me in shock but I ignore them. I just need to think right now. Be left alone. Taylor doesn't need to drive me home, I need to get drunk. It's not usually my style but I guess I need a change right?

I walk out to my truck and climb in. As I put it in reverse I see Taylor and John watching me. Ignoring them I hurry out of the parking lot and drive to the nearest bar. The closest one isn't for another five miles. Fucking great.

…..

Pulling up, I jump out slamming the door behind me.

As I walk in and see that it's almost empty. The bartender is filling an old man's glass as I walk over to sit on the very end. I look around and see that some guys are playing a game of pool and a group of girls are laughing and joking around with each other. They don't look like the usual sluts that I see. That causes me to smile. Reminds me of Caleb's.

I wave the bartender over and ask him for a double. As he passes it to me I quickly drain it, causing his brows to shoot up. I ask for another. Then drain that one, then put my head down on the bar. The cold feels great on my cheek.

I feel someone tap my shoulder and it causes me to shoot up. He frowns. I apologize to him. He gives me a small smile and nods towards the old man. I look over and see him looking my way. He waves me over. I shake my head, looking down. He then knocks on the bar to get my attention. I groan and look over. He waves me over again.

He's not going to leave me the hell alone like I wanted. Fucking great. I grab my glass and walk over to him and sit on the stool beside him. He takes a sip of his beer.

"Shit got you down?" he asks. I shake my head.

"I just needed a drink. Everyone needs one from time to time." I say taking a sip. He chuckles.

"Yeah, I sure do love my drinking." he then laughs. "Probably gonna kill me one day, but at least I'll die happy right?"

"I'll drink to that." he clicks his glass to mine, and we take a sip. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

"So, what's your name young man?" he asks. I smile. I'm glad he didn't know who I was.

"Christian Grey." he looks surprised, but then has an understanding look on his face. "Well no wonder your ass wants to drink." please don't say it. He chuckles. "That's why my ass drinks to. I always have myself buried in paperwork because of my other businesses."

I smile. He knows but doesn't mention it. I'm already liking this man because he's not pushing me for answers like every other person has. He's different.

"What's your name?" I ask.

"Andy Larson." I gape at him, causing the grin on his face to widen.

"Holy shit." I curse, causing him to chuckle.

Larson has been my Idol ever since I was fifteen. He is the ceo of LEE. His business ethics are fucking phenomenal, and on top of that he just doesn't give a fuck what people think about him. He doesn't care about the paparazzi or anything. Now I'm like a damn chick. Oh my god.

"Don't know why your ass is like this. You accomplished more than me boy." he grins. "I've been following your work since you started that company. You were young. Why couldn't I have kids like you instead of my incompetent little bastards."

I laugh loudly. "Please tell me you're not actually calling your kids that." he gives me a serious look. I shake my head. "You're something." he grins.

"Well thank you. I'll take that as a compliment."

"Well…" he narrows his eyes then chuckles.

"Speaking of bastard children, got any of your own?" he asks grinning. I smirk.

"No little bastards. Are all kids bastards to you?" he nods, but then looks deep in thought.

"Eh, depends on the kid. I want a grandchild. I need something to do with this money." he waves the bartender over and ask for two more beers.

"Yeah, money isn't everything like people think it is. Doesn't fix everything." he nods.

"Doesn't fix shit boy." he sighs. I look over at him. "You use the money to fix something that's broken, but you realize it will always be broken or damaged."

He's looking at the counter running his fingers across it. I have a feeling there's more meaning behind his words. There is more meaning behind his words. It seems like most people always think we're happy with just our money, but in reality we are broken.

"Trust me, I understand." I tell him. "I really do."

We spend our time talking about shit that's not important. He even explained to my why his kids were bastards. Seems like kids like to be spoiled. Never liking what they got because it wasn't the newest and latest shit. Damn.

He then tells me how he was a marine earlier on. Right after he had finished he started his business, using every bit of the money he had saved up and pushing until he made it to the point he wanted to. He said it was hard because he was at the broken stage. The nightmares he was having after seeing many of his friends die on the battlefield still haunted him. I just nodded.

It's like he was waiting for me to say something about my nightmares as well because I saw the look in his eyes. After a moment he just took a sip of his beer and patted me on the shoulder. Doesn't mean shit, he has them as well. Their just not the same…

We then started about the girls we fooled around with. He has a taste for red heads and he told me he always has just make sure. I can't stop laughing when he's telling me these stories. He tells me that the girls curtains didn't match the drapes. I was shocked when he said he kicked her out. He said he has specific taste and he hates liars. I chuckle.

He then mentions his ex-wife and why he's practically a whore. The woman cheated on him with his friends and he took a picture of the two of them. He even showed it to the court so he didn't have to pay shit to her. The kids went with her though. They only visit on weekends. This man is really open.

I find out that he's a religious man. Usually people in our kind of world aren't. They're too busy focusing on other things like fucking and money. Larson says that he has nothing to look forward to in this world, but it seems like God may be giving him that one thing. Shit, it doesn't matter if other assholes don't believe in him it's his view, no one else's.

He said if people thought he was crazy because he believed a man would send his son to die for us then so be it. There are many other crazy people in this world and he is barely one of them. The crazy people are the ones who don't understand other's opinions. That's just one category.

He then starts to ask me about myself. I just shrug, telling him that there isn't much. He keeps pushing me for answers. I groan in irritation.

I then started going on about how I'm friends with a few marines and how I can kick their asses. He started laughing loudly at that, not thinking I was serious. When I didn't laugh his eyes widen. I smirked.

I go on about how I don't even live at that tower in the sky, my actual home is back in the country. Told him how I farmed and took care my animals. He grins at that, taking a sip of his beer.

"I knew I liked you boy. Maybe you can help me with my ranch one day. My son doesn't want to break a nail to help my old ass." I chuckle. The bartender walks over to us. He looks between us and looks over to the clock.

"Sorry you two, but we are about to close." he says. I look at my watch and realize that it's three in the morning. My eyes widen.

"Shit, it's three o'clock." he laughs.

"I'm surprised I'm not drunk." I laugh with him. He pulls out a business card and hands it to me.

"It's nice to meet you Grey." he pats me carefully on the shoulder. "We need to do this again sometime, just not stay out so late."

"Exactly what I was thinking." I say taking the card.

We walk out of the bar and I see an SUV pull up, then another. One stops in front of Larson and the other stops in front of me. Taylor hops out of the car causing me to groan. Another man gets out of the other and walks to Larson causing him to do the same. I chuckle.

"I'm not drunk!" I say irritated. Andy laughs.

"They won't listen without a breathalyzer." I shoot him a glare but grin.

"Would you shut up old man?"

"Um no?" he sighs loudly. "Let's go Cason. Bye Grey."

"Ceya Larson." I walk over to the SUV and climb in. I shut the door and buckle up. Taylor walks around the car and hops in. He looks back at me in irritation. "What?"

"Are you seriously not drunk?" I roll my eyes.

"I maybe had four drinks. I talked the rest of the time." I rub my temples. He nods.

He pulls away from the bar and heads toward the house. It takes a little while due to the fact that it's far in the city. The ride is making me exhausted, but I try to keep myself awake though.

Ten minutes into the ride I end up falling asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Four**

 _ **Anastasia**_

I wake up to the sound of the front door opening. Oh please be him. Running over to the front doors and see my Christian curled up to Taylor's chest asleep. Taylor just shakes his head, a small smile on his face. He walks upstairs, and I follow them up. I go ahead of him and open the door to the bedroom. He lays him down, takes off his shoes and throws the comforter over him. Turning off the light, Taylor walks out. He looks exhausted.

I follow him downstairs and walk into the kitchen. He already knows I want the details of what happened, as I watch him take a seat on the stool. I lean against the counter.

"What happened?" I ask. He scratches the side of his face. He looks upset.

"I didn't want to wake him up, so that's why I carried him, but he went to see Mia today." I tilt my head.

"Isn't that good? Don't tell me they got into a fight." I start panicking. He shakes his head quickly.

"No, no. Luke called and she's actually talking. When I mean talking, she's talking." he grins. "The two talked today, and she talked him into seeing Flynn like she did. We've all been trying to do it, but I guess since she had to suffer through telling what happened to her he must had felt like he had to."

"Well, did it help?" I ask. His mouth forms into a tight line. I frown. "Taylor?"

"He asked me to be at the office why he was there, so I went." he runs a hand over the counter. "I heard yelling, then he came busting out of the office. He was so pale Ana. As if he'd see a ghost, no, a monster. When I looked at John, I was surprised."

"Why?" he looks at the wall for a moment, then at me.

"John had so much anger showing. You could actually feel it. I thought the man couldn't even show anger. He usually listens to stories about beatings, death, rapes, so I don't know what Christian said to set him off. But the way he looked it was as if he was out for blood." I gape at him. He nods. "When I was walking out the door I heard the door to his office slam and when I looked back I saw it was off its hinges."

"What did Jack do to him?" I whisper to myself.

"I don't know, but I think we better keep an eye on John or he's going to get himself arrested." Taylor curses. "I hope we didn't just make things worse."

"How'd you calm Christian down after that?" I ask. He chuckles.

"Wasn't me. It was this old guy at a bar. They were talking for hours about random shit that I have no idea about. I just sat back and made sure he didn't do anything stupid."

"Thank you for taking care of him Taylor." he rolls his eyes.

"That may be Carrick's boy, but he still has three uncles who love him." he pats my head. I grin.

"Night Taylor, sleep in tomorrow." he nods, walking away.

I walking upstairs and Jackson follows me up. Damn dog, I pet him. When I open the door to our bedroom and see Christian thrashing in bed. Jackson goes to his side of the bed and lays on the floor. Such a good boy. I walk over to my side of the bed and be careful to keep my distance. Last time I wasn't careful Christian pinned me beneath him and kept shouting at me to stop. He still hasn't forgiven himself.

Sweat is soaking his shirt and his muscles have tightened. It's like he can't breath. His arms stay at his sides now. Why hasn't this dreamed stopped? They're usually over by now.

My heart almost gives out as I watch his face begin to turn red after a few seconds it turns the shade purple.

"Christian." I whisper. Jackson starts barking. "Christian!" I scream.

I move to him and try to move his arms away from his sides. He's locked in position.

"Taylor!" I shout. "Taylor!" I start screaming. I hear running coming up the stairs and after a moment see Taylor coming through the door. His eyes widen as he takes in Christian.

He moves to Christian and tries to unlock him but nothings working. Taylor finally picks him up and takes him to the bathroom. I watch him pull him into the shower and turn on the cold water. Christian starts gasping for breath, trying to reach for anything he can get. He grabs his throat and starts choking. Taylor puts him down and carefully puts his hands on his shoulders.

Christian starts sobbing as soon as Taylor turns the water off and grabs a towel for him. He just keeps shaking his head. Taylor tells me he's calling John. I really hope that's a good idea.

After Taylor leaves, I pull Christian into the bedroom and sit him on the bed. I walk to the drawers and pull out a pair of boxers, sweatpants, and a t-shirt then walk back to him. He looks so broken. It's like the first time I saw him have a nightmare. I don't want to go back to that. Not again.

I grab his hand causing him to look up at me. I smile at him, but he just looks down. Sighing, I run my hand down his cheek.

"Do you know how much I love you?" I kneel in front of him so he can see me. He shakes his head. "I love you so much that everytime I see you like this I feel as broken as you do. I feel like a piece of shit, because it's my fault that this happened to you. I broke you all over again. If I could I would change places with you just so you wouldn't have to be suffering like you are now."

"Don't you ever say that." he says. His eyes are wide and wild. "Don't you ever say you would change places with me. I would never make you suffer like that, not even for some shit like love. You have no idea what they did to me Anastasia. You will never know, and if you did you would take back those words you just said to me. We may love each other, but I would not ever do something as put you in my place." I watch as he throws his clothes on and stomps out of the room. I just sit on the ground in shock.

I hear a knock on our door and hear someone walk in. I look back. It's John. He looks tired, but still professional. I see that look though, he must have been listening to us. He sits in the chair in the far corner of the room.

I wait for him to speak but he doesn't, so I stand up and sit on the bed. He keeps his focus on the ground. Taylor was right, I see anger on his face.

"What happened to him John?" he looks at me finally.

"You know I am not allowed to tell you, but I will tell you this, you wouldn't want to switch places with him. Christian was right on that. You're pushing him Ana." I feel my eyes widen.

"John, this seems worse than his other nightmares. I know of his past. Alex even explained it to us and said they just starved him and beat him." I watch John grit his teeth. "Are they not telling us something?"

I watch him stand up and leave the room. He's not telling me something. Shit, I better leave it alone. I just wanted to know of there was anyway I could help. Christian used to be so open, now he's closed off. Jack ruined him.

I walk out of the room and head back downstairs. Emotions run through me. I won't leave Christian's side no matter how far he tries to push us away. He can shout, scream, cry, and hit walls all he wants to but I'm not leaving. This man is the one who brought me out of my darkness and if I have to do the same for him then I will.

He really doesn't think that I would trade spots with him? They cut his scars out. Of course I would trade places with him. It's already unbearable for him to be touched but Jack doing that to him was just wrong. I want to take away his pain. I want to switch places. I want to kill Jack and Jose. Torture them, do the same to them not caring if I go to jail. Sadly I can't because it will break Christian more if I leave him.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs I hear voices. It's Christian and John. I see Taylor walking out of the kitchen, his face is pale and sweat is dripping down his face. He grabs me by my arm and leads my out the back door. As we make it outside he lets me go and quickly walks over to the pushes and starts emptying his stomach. My eyes widen in surprise. What the hell is wrong with him?

He falls onto the steps and starts shaking. I sit with him and start rubbing his back. It takes a few minutes for him to calm down before he actually looks up, but all he does is stare at the barn.

After awhile he finally speaks up. "Don't go into the living room or even close to it. Understand me?" his voice shakes again. I frown.

"What's wrong Jason?" he snaps his head at me.

"I said do you understand?" I nod quickly. He stands up. "Come on. You need sleep."

"What about Christian?" his shoulders sink down.

"Doesn't look like he's sleeping." he says quietly. "Come on."

Taylor escorts me up the stairs, but on the way we do pass the living room. I try to peek in but Jason turns me away. I sigh to where he can't hear me. Things must be bad if it affected Jason this bad. Usually he isn't like this.

When we get upstairs he opens the door for me. I nod at him. He closes the door at I hear him walking away. I walk to the bed and hop in. Since Christian isn't here I whistle for Jackson and pat the bed. He jumps up and curls close to me. I wrap my arm around him and snuggle close to him. He makes me miss Christian even though he's just downstairs.

I close my eyes and quickly drift off.

…

" _It's like this little bitch likes it." He kicks me harder. Mom just watches as usual. Why does she just sit there? Why doesn't she protect me?_

" _Maybe she does." mom shrugs. "You ever thought about that?"_

 _The man glares at her. "Don't smart off to me you bitch. You're no better than this little cunt." he punches me in the face, causing me to grit my teeth._

 _My mom scoffs, rolling her eyes. I watch Stephen walk over to her eyes causing my mom to shrink back. My body sags in relief. I flinch as I watch Stephen rip my mom's shirt off and start… I turn away,disgusted not wanting to watch again. Stephen doesn't notice and doesn't yell at me this time._

 _I hear tapping on the door and shrink back further, scared it might be his friends._

 _Stephen gets off my mom and pulls up his pants. He walks over to the door and slams it open. All he does is chuckle, opening it wider showing me who it is. It's my best friend Wilson. When he sees me his mouths drop open._

 _He tries running over to me, but Stephen stops him. Wilson struggles against him but Stephen throws him at the wall, causing the breath to leave his body._

 _It's hard to get up, but I manage. I run over to Wilson and grab his hand trying to help him up. As he gets up, Stephen slaps me, causing me to fall down._

" _Anastasia, watch this sweet girl." Stephen says. I look up._

 _Stephen has his knee on Wilson's stomach and his hands wrapped around his throat. Wilson his scratching at his hands to stop him but Stephen is too strong. I'm screaming for him to stop, but he won't listen._

 _I then watch as Wilson's body changes. I see gray eyes and copper hair causing me to scream louder as Stephen finishes the job._

 _Everything goes black._

I feel something wet on me. Looking over, I see Jackson staring at me. I glare at him but grin.

"Were you licking me?" he licks me. "I guess that's a yes." I kiss his nose.

I sit up and stretch. I'm so sticky and not in the good way. Shit I better take a shower. What time is it? I look over lazily and freeze. Oh my god…

"I'm late!" I shout. I hear a thump. Forgetting that, I run to the shower quickly I turn it on and hop in. Scrubbing my body quickly and painfully I'm out quickly.

I hop through the room trying to pull my underwear on and skirt in place. Oh shit, I grab a blouse and throw it on and run down stairs after grabbing a pair of heels.

I see Christian and Taylor at the breakfast bar eating breakfast. When they see me they're surprised. I just ignore them, grabbing my keys and purse. Running out to my car I hop in, but I realized I'm not wearing a bra. I groan. I throw my heels off and run back inside.

Jackson keeps running back and forth with me. Love the dog to death but I don't have time to play. I throw my blouse off and put a bra on, then put the blouse back on. Then I run back downstairs.

"Ana, stop." Christian says. I'm halfway out the door as I answer.

"Have to go." I say.

"You're not going." he says. "It's Saturday baby." I groan.

"Please tell me you're lying."

"No, it's Saturday." I whistle for Jackson.

"I'm going to try and get some more sleep then." I walk upstairs. I'm so tired and I shouldn't even be the tired person in the house.

I walk upstairs and head down the hallway. When I get back to our bedroom I throw my clothes off. I walk to the chester drawers and grab one of Christian's t-shirts. Jackson is already in the bed as I hop in next to him. I fall asleep.

I wake up covered in sweat again. Looking over I see that Jackson isn't here but John. Why the hell is he in here? I then realize that something is squeezing around my arm. A blood pressure cup, what the fuck.

I try taking it off but someone grabs my wrist. Christian. Snapping my eyes at him he looks concerned. I just want them to let go of me.

"It's finished Ana. Calm down." John says pulling the cup off. I snap my arm back. His eyes look over the numbers.

"Okay, can you please leave me alone now?" he looks at me then to Christian.

"Ana, your blood pressure is too high right now. It seems to me you're not even sleeping at the moment. I'm either going to have to sedate you again or we have to get you to the hospital." he says in a serious tone. What does he mean again?

"What the fuck do you mean again?" I ask. "You never sedated me before, unless you did it behind my back back like some goddamn sicko!" I shout.

"Anastasia, he was trying to help you. Nothing would wake you up, so he needed to at least stop the nightmare. He's had to do it for me as well baby." Christian says. I stare at him.

He doesn't fucking does he. I don't want a goddamn needle shoved in my arm controlling me on what I can do. These dreams remind me of that memory and him doing that is fucking enough. It doesn't matter if they were trying to help me they needed to ask me. Just let the damn run its course as usual.

I get out of bed, already beginning to feel dizzy. I leave my medication in the closet in case this happens. Maybe I should tell Ray. No, because this will worry him and make him rush over here. I grab three pills, and close the bottle. Before I leave the closet I throw on a pair of tights. When I leave I see that they're not in the room anymore. Good.

I head out of the room and as I reach the end of the hallway I see Christian by the stairway on his cellphone. Even though I'm irritated with him I can't help but take him in. He's wearing a pair of sweatpants that hang low off his hips and a dark green t-shirt that hugs him just right. Shit he's just so perfect.

I step over to the steps and feel him grab my hand. Why's he doing this. I stop and look over at him, seeing that he's waiting for me. He thinks I'm going to fucking fall because of my blood pressure. I glare at him causing him to hide a smile.

"I'm fine." I snap.

"Shut up and come on." he bends down a kisses me. I frown and it causes him to pull back and look at me. He looks worried about something.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"You're not going to leave me," I whisper, "are you?" he sags in relief.

"You're mine Anastasia. Never think that." he says. "I have to be the one to worry."

"No you don't." I bring his lips back to mine, but stop when I get too tired. "Let me take my medicine."

He wraps his arm around my waist, careful with me. I feel like a feather as a takes me down the stairs. At the end I see John waiting for us. I guess he was making sure that I didn't go falling.

He's holding a bottle of water in his hands with its top already off and holding it out to me. I take it and take a sip before taking my pills. After that I walk to the living room. I don't know what happened in here last night but it feels safe now.

I throw myself on the couch and grab the controller. Christian walks over and sits beside me, taking my hand again. I lay my head on his shoulder.

"I'm going to call all the girls over so they can watch you. Is that fine?" I groan.

"I'm fine Christian." he rolls his eyes.

"Get over it. I'm asking the guys to come over as well so stop bitching." I stick my tongue at him.

He takes the advantage and slides his tongue along mine. I grin when I taste blueberries along his tongue. Pulling back I pout. He looks away innocently knowing exactly why I'm pouting. A grin spreads across his beautiful lips. I run my tongue along his bottom lip causing him to groan quietly.

"So, blueberry pancakes without me Mr. Grey?" I ask. He runs his hands up the back of my shirt than down my ass, gripping hard.

"I didn't forget about you baby. Yours are in the microwave." he lets out a sigh as I nibble my way along his jaw.

At that answer I quickly get up and make my way towards the kitchen. I hear chuckling heading my way. When I open the microwave I see a big stack of pancakes waiting for me. Christian's pancakes are always the best. All of his food is.

I grab the syrup and go sit at the bar. As I eat I notice that Christian is watching me. It's starting to make it hard for me to eat. Slinking back into my seat I take smaller bites. He uses his hand and pulls a piece off. I gape at him. He's smirking.

"Did you just -" he nods.

"Yep." he licks his lips. I can't stop the shiver that runs down my body. Fuck, I miss being intimate with him.

I glare at him and shove pancake in my mouth. It causes his smile to grow. I shrug. He better stay away from my food.

"Is my food that good beautiful?" he chuckles.

"It is so stay away from it you butt." he takes a step back and tilts his head back. What? Did I say something wrong? He then starts laughing, hard.

"Did you just call me a damn butt?" he asks. I grin. "I haven't even been called that by my sister since she was eight."

"Probably a good thing." I say looking up at the ceiling. Then I look back at him smiling. He shakes his head.

He grabs my dish as I finish and puts it in the dishwasher. Then he grabs me a glass of milk. I frown taking a small sip. He grabs me by my hips and sets me on the bar, and sits on the stool.

"What's wrong baby?" he asks. I shake my head.

"Nothing." I say.

"Liar." he smiles.

"I'm serious." I say simply. He grabs my chin and makes me look at him.

"Tell me and stop it." why should I, he's not telling me.

"I should be the one taking care of you. This isn't right." he raises an eyebrow.

"Really Ana? I'm just happy you're okay." he sighs. "I thought we had to take you to the hospital just to get you to wake up. I tried to stick you under the shower, shouting, shaking you but nothing worked. Baby, what happened?" I look away.

"Do you know how you don't want to tell anyone?" his mouth forms into a straight line, but he finally nods. "I can't. I don't know when I'll be able to. Shit, I always keep telling myself that I'll tell you but I can't."

I try to look down but he makes me look at him. "I understand. Don't be upset okay?" I nod, resting my forehead against his.

"I know you do."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Five**

 **Christian**

I saddle Ben up and decide to take him on the trail. Poor guy is the oldest out of all them but could kick all there ass. He isn't that much older than two of my others though. I think Ben has a much more mature look than them. He's also built in his frame.

I chuckle as I pat the side of him, using the reins to turn us right. Might as well take us towards the top of the hill. The guys won't be here for another hour. He's looking pretty happy with it at the moment, hell I would to right now.

As Ben keeps moving forward I run my eyes along the forest. Damn, it's looking fuller. I haven't been riding out here in awhile, maybe even before my relationship with Leila. Sad to because this used to be my favorite place to go and relax. It's quiet and no one would ever be able to find me. To mess with me. That was my favorite part. Ben was the horse I'd always take with me and I think not getting enough riding time is getting to him.

We finally make it to the middle of the field and I jump off him, and give him a sugar cube. He stands where he's at as I walk around. The grass has grown almost three inches since I've been here and many dandelions are at the edges of the field. That makes me think of Ana and Hope.

I walk over to the tree stump where I usually keep my stash and find what I'm looking for. Whiskey. I unscrew the cap and take a sip, sighing. When I look over I see Ben staring at me. Shaking my head I take another sip.

"I would give you a sip but I don't think you'd like it boy." he lets out an annoyed huff. That causes me to laugh. Putting back the bottle I walk back over to Ben and mount back on. I grab the reins and turn us around and head back home.

As Ben and I ride back up, I notice Caleb talking to Anderson and Elliot. Ryan and Ian are talking to Alex and it causes me to tense, making Ben slow down. I take a deep breath and pat his neck, making him go forward. Jumping off I grab the reins and take him into the barn. I pull the saddle off and take him out into the fenced area where he can still get some exercise.

I jump over the fence and walk over to the guys. Luke is here, so I know that Mia is here. That makes my heart swell. She's getting better. I just wish I could.

I really don't want to fucking do this but I know I have to because this helps Mia along the way. Can't shut my family and friends out either. Need to talk to my parents after this.

When the guys see me they are grinning. Alex face is still dark though, it causes me to look down. Shit, I shouldn't have done this. Why did I do this. All I can see is the pain that Alex suffered every time I look at him. What he saw. Son of a bitch.

"What have you been up to Christian?" Elliot asks. "Caleb told me how ma slapped the shit out of you." the group laughs. I actually smile.

"It was his fault." Caleb's mouth drops open.

"That's utter shit!" he shouts. I smirk.

"You said it first. That's even the same exact word he used." I simply say. Ryan nods.

"Yeah, it is." he says. Caleb throws his hands up.

"Traiter." he glares, but smiles.

Later on we're drinking beer and surrounding the fire. The guys and I are just talking about random shit like about the times we've gotten drunk. It turns out that Luke woke up in a tub one morning with a ring wrapped around that finger of his. The woman asked if he would play along with her for a month until she graduated college. We couldn't stop laughing at the way he explained the parents.

The conversation then gets serious when I go on to tell Ian about Ryan's problems. It pissed him off. When I say pissed him off, I mean that Ian was quiet. We all had gotten him to start talking though by just acting like idiots though. He couldn't stop laughing and just pulled Ryan on his lap, then started cursing and saying if any of us tell ma about his language he will kick our asses.

Elliot chucked his beer in the fire, causing the glass to scatter. We all look at him and see he's in deep thought. His eyes finally find mine.

"I wasn't going to do this until we had gotten you back again." he says laying back in his seat.

"Do what?" Luke asks.

"Well, I was going to ask Kate to marry me. Before all this shit happened." I stare at him. "How can I do that when the two people I love are so broken though." he looks at me.

"I'm sorry." he stops me.

"Do you know how fucking relieved I am you're talking to me. For the past few weeks I've just been staring at my phone waiting for you or Mia to call me. To show me that you are alive. I didn't want it to happen all over again." I feel my throat tighten.

"Who do you think is more important to me? Pussy or family?" he holds his hand up. "Don't answer that." we all laugh. "If I'm going to be happy then you're going to be happy with me."

"It's going to be a happy awhile then." he shrugs.

"They always say marriage sucks the life out of you. Ain't that right Taylor!?" El shouts. I hear Taylor scoff.

"Ain't that the fucking truth." he says walking out of the house. "Finally divorced the cunt two weeks ago. Had to track her down. Never seen her that way before though. Kind of creepy." he drains his beer.

"Happy you had Carrick?" I ask. He nods.

"Woah, wait! You divorced Gail?" Elliot asks astonished. We nod.

"Don't ask." he says. "Long story."

"We got all night guys. Don't we boys?" all the guys grin.

Taylor goes on to explain how we had to do a background check on Gail. He then explains his fucking love story and how he hand gotten his ass kidnapped. It causes both Alex and I to flinch making Taylor stop. Alex had never gotten a knife brought to his skin, he just saw it happen to me. I guess he just doesn't want me listening to this.

I shrug as if it doesn't bother me. Alex does the same. So Taylor explains what he went through.

He tells the guys about the love of his life and how the men let him say goodbye to his troops and even her. He told her he loved her on tape and not in person. The guys are pulled into the story and laugh at how Taylor pulled smartass remarks on them. The part that always gets me through is how that Abby woman didn't care what Taylor said, she risked her life for him because of the love she felt for him.

It makes me remember Ana's words about how she would change places with me so I wouldn't suffer. I would never want that for her. She would never want this either.

Taylor goes on to explain how Gail is a part of this. He says that he was one of the women who tried saving him, well kind of. Ray and Ashton said she was kind of a bitch during the mission. He then said she met her again at a grocery store but not realizing who she was. He was able to fall in love with that bitch after the woman he loved was kidnapped years ago.

This is the second time I have heard this story and I like to listen to it. Only because of the part of how his ass started off to those fuckers and how he was frightened with parents. He makes the story funny even though the ending is sad especially when Gail lied to him. The two are no more and I want to know why she lied. Maybe she'll tell me the truth one day because she was part of the family. I know I'll see her again.

"Damn Taylor. Those guys didn't let up did they." Ian says. "So, battle scars ay'?" he winks causing us to laugh as Ryan Smacks his chest. Taylor chuckles.

"More like a damn brand. Don't know how Gail or Abby even looked at my ass. I'm surprised those assholes didn't cut my dick off." he shivers.

"Sorry to asks this man, but do you mind if we see them?" Caleb asks. Taylor shakes his head, about to say no, but as he catches my eye he purses his lips and looks at the sky.

"Sure. Fine, okay." he sighs.

"You don't have to if you don't want to. I was just wondering what they looked liked." he waves him off. "I'm just a nosy person. That's what got me traumatized."

"Walked in on ma and da having sex?" I ask. He plugs his ears up with his fingers.

"Lalalalala!" laughter feels the air until Taylor throws his shirt off. It gets quiet.

For a guy who is in his early forties he takes care of his ass, the same way I do. I can see where he tried covering up his scars by getting tattoos that marked the memories of what had happened. When I finished counting it makes at least eleven of them.

As my eyes follow his scars I see small ones that look as if the knife was buried into him multiple times. Like the person didn't care what they were doing. There is also a thick crooked line that goes down his neck across his chest. There are seven more long lines across his body from where they most likely cut him. He said he was sitting in a chair so his back might be free of it. I see a mark on his shoulder from the bullet wound.

When he turns around to sit down I see that his shoulders and the back of his neck aren't even better. They tried to torture him as much as they could. How though…

"Shit man. How are you alive?" Ian asks. Taylor sits down throwing his shirt back on.

"The woman I loved fought her ass off to save my life. I didn't give up when I saw her dying in my best friend's arms."

"Shit, I need to go see my woman right now. Thanks for showing us that Taylor, that was brave of you." Anderson says. Taylor chuckles.

"Yeah, I'm going to go see mine as well. Tomorrow is Sunday guys. Family cook out at the Grey's. You coming Chris?" Elliot asks. I look at him and shrug.

"Sure, what time?" he throws his hands up.

"They are still getting used to this place so we have to give them time to get things together I guess." I look at him surprised. "Told them that all these idiots were coming though. They don't know that you or Mia are coming though so that should be a great surprise."

"They moved?" he nods sadly.

"Dad was shot there, Ana was almost raped there, and we were all held at gunpoint. They have nightmares living there. It sucks because it was our family home, but they like the new house." I nod.

"At least that's the main point. I just don't want them upset."

"They want to see you and Mia, fuck the house." I nod.

We walk inside and hear giggling. The guys and I all walk into the living room and see the girls all on the floor laughing. I lean against the side of the wall and watch Ana as she lays on the ground in tears. Mia is telling them something about Elliot and how he ran bare assed through the yard so that their parents wouldn't see him. Me and her locked the balcony door so that he couldn't get in and had to knock on the door for mom and dad to let him in. That was some funny shit. Dad just ignored his ass for a complete two days.

Elliot comes rushing over and picks her up. Mia glares at him, trying to wiggle out of his arms. The girls are still laughing as he takes Mia over to Luke. Her eyes widen as he smirks.

"I don't want to leave!" she whines. He chuckles.

"Remember that I actually live here. You can go stay in a guest room." I watch Luke pat Mia's head. "It's up to your-" I nod. Mia starts to hug me but when I tense she stops. I squeeze her shoulders.

"I don't care whoever stays here." I shrug. "But, if your asses tell any embarrassing stories about me remember that I have so much about you two." I watch Mia and Elliot's eyes widen. I grin. "Have fun."

I walk up the stairs and head towards my office. I need to check in with Ros before she gets pissed with me. I may have been so called dead for a few weeks but I need to keep my head on.

When I run through my emails I see that Ros has emailed me several times with attachments having to deal with the assholes over at Kennedy Corporate headquarters. We are trying to make a deal with the assholes so that thousands of people won't lose their jobs but it seems like Kennedy doesn't care. He just wants goddamn money. He's making us businessmen look like greedy and selfish damn bastards. I email Ros so that she can tell Kennedy to go get fucked. I'm not putting up with his bullshit. I may be a nice guy but I'm not being someone's bitch anymore.

I hear a knock on the door and in walks Taylor. For the past day he's had this sad and angry expression on his face. I wonder what's going on with him.

"Yes Taylor?" I ask.

"They're all staying except for the Parker boys. Ryan was too afraid that you were going to throw protection at him?" he asks confused. I hit my desk laughing loudly.

"Oh shit, that's great. Nothing Taylor, I just love to pick with him. Ian and I both do." I grin. He rolls his eyes and begins walking out. "Okay Taylor, what's wrong? You look fucking pissed and like someone killed your puppy." he raises his eyebrows, but closes the door and locks it. He comes and sits in the chair in front of the desk.

For a few minutes it's quiet. When I mean quiet, I mean it's deathly silent. The only thing I can hear is the air conditioning going and the sound of my heart beating in my ears. Why isn't he speaking?

"Taylor, fucking talk." I say scared. He looks up from the ground and sits back.

"Christian, are you sure you want to know why I'm fucking pissed?" he spits. I nod. "You know I signed an NDA so I won't say shit to anyone right?" I frown, but nod. "You know that you are practically my son, right? I want to steal you from Carrick because of how proud I am of you. Sadly, I can only be an uncle with the other two jackasses like Ray and Ashton." I chuckle causing him to smile, but it falls from his face.

"Taylor, what's wrong? Please just tell me." I run my hands through my hair. He's killing me.

"You saw my body and realized what those men did to me, right?" I look down. "We were told that they cut you up pretty bad. Is that right?"

"Yeah." I whisper. "It's pretty bad. Not as bad as yours."

"Bullshit, you went through hell which is just as bad. Let me see." I feel my eyes widen. "Boy, do you really care about how I look at you? All I ever thought about was the pity people would ever show me. Why do you think I was afraid of taking my shirt off tonight, but then I saw you sitting there. I thought shit, maybe if he saw me he'd understand that he could find someone to trust here." he explains. "Do you understand Christian." I stare at him then look down.

"I-I- okay. Fine." I stand up and pull off my shirt. Taylor shakes his head. His face turns red in anger and I jump as he kicks the desk.

"I swear I'll kill those fuckers. I'll kill them." he says mostly to himself. I shake my head and pull my shirt on.

"It's fine." I sit back down. This is something I'll have my whole life but I'll just have to keep a shirt on all the time. Unless I can do what Taylor did and get tattoos. I just don't know how to get around the touching shit.

"Did they do anything else besides that?" he asks. No.

"They starved me. Beat me." I shrug. "Basically what Alex told you."

"Anything else?" he asks Cautiously but more seriously. I narrow my eyes. What the fuck.

"What are you trying to ask Taylor?" I snap.

"I was walking by the living room early this morning boy, right after your nightmare." the talk with John. "I know what happened to you Christian." please no.

"No you don't, because nothing happened Taylor." I say shaking my head. "Nothing happened. I was beat and starved. That's it. Nothing else." I say quickly.

"Stop it. Do you think I wanted to hear that shit as well. Do you think John doesn't want to go down to that station and kill those men?" he asks. I bury my face in my hands. "It happened Christian. You were raped and there's nothing we can do to take it back. I wish there was." he whispers. I hear him get up and walk closer. He wraps his arm around my shoulders.

"You can never catch a goddamn break kid. Not one damn break." he mutters.

"How did you do it Taylor?" I ask, looking up at him.

"What?"

"You let people touch you. You let them even put a needle to your scar. How?" he chuckles.

"Shit, I made sure my ass was passed out when I had gotten those. When I'd gotten those I couldn't handle touch. Abby was by my side and she remembered what I wanted and let me get drunk before I got the shit." he smiles at the thought but looks down at me. "What, do you want a tattoo now?"

"If it could hide it, then yes." he looks at me for a moment then grins.

"That's a big damn tattoo. Know what you want?" I chuckle and nod.

"I do." he crosses his arms. "How could you let Abby touch your chest, stomach and shoulders after that?"

"Well, I couldn't. I went to therapy." he shoots me a look. "This isn't a Flynn though. I went to some group therapy. We all explained our situations and what had happened to us. I didn't go back after the first session. Fucking stupid." he rolls his eyes. I laugh.

"I'm telling John." he grins.

"Nut doctor doesn't scare me." he jokes. "Anyways, the reason I couldn't stand touch is because all I could see and feel when someone put their hands on me is those fuckers. So I started doing stuff to take my mind off it. I started doing stuff that gave me the best fucking adrenaline rush but didn't fuck with my PTSD. My dreams are still bad but not like what they used to be. The touching is even fine, you just can't run your nails over my skin. Gail did it once and I cursed like a damn sailor."

"Damn Taylor, how long until it took after to actually have someone touch you?" I ask.

"About a week I noticed. Abby and me were making love and she started freaking out apologizing multiple times about touching my chest. I ignored her and put her hands back where they were." he pretends to see if anyone is listening. "Oh, and between you and me? I never judged your ass on your relationships. I understand. Hopefully Ray just doesn't find out about it."

"Really Taylor…" I look at him trying to keep a straight face but fail. I'm glad he's being so open with me.

"Shit, I'm just saying. If he found out he'd finally be able to kick your ass." ain't that the truth.

"Thanks for telling me all of this Taylor." his face turns serious.

"No, thank you for trusting me boy. You know I would never tell anyone, right?" I nod. "So, what do you want to do? I took a nap today."

"Want to watch me get a tattoo?" I ask.

"Shit, now? It's almost nine o'clock at night." I shrug.

"For what I want I need to get this started now. So?" he sighs loudly.

"I'm getting a beer. Want one?"

"Yeah, but I'm having John sedating me. Can't believe I'm doing this."

"I can't either. Hey, but don't force yourself." he says.

Taylor doesn't know how much I fucking want this. I just might be able to make the letters J and H disappear. I won't look like that fuckers bitch anymore. His whore. Maybe I can try to push myself if I can do what Taylor did.

He was able to let the love of his life touch him again. I want to be able to do that again as well and I will. Goddammit, I will. Instead of running I need to take steps back and real in the world, the past days I've missed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Six**

 _ **Anastasia**_

We are all sitting around the living room watching movies and making fun of them. Anderson and Elliot won't shut up and keep arguing which leading actress is hotter. Hannah and Kate just tell them to shut up causing them to pout. I couldn't stop the giggle that bubbled out of my throat.

The Parker family and Alex went home. Parkers went home with something to do with Christian and Ian picking on Ryan and Caleb owing ma. Alex went home because he had to get to his girlfriend. He's dating some chick at Christian's office.

While we are laughing I see Taylor walking upstairs with two beers. I frown. I hope Christians okay. Usually he doesn't drink anything this late at night. I know beer isn't much but he still doesn't drink this late.

Pulling me out of my thoughts, I hear the doorbell ring. I groan and hop off the floor. Jogging over to the door and throwing it open, I'm surprised to see John. I raise an eyebrow. He rolls his eyes.

"Is he drunk?" he asks. I shake my head slowly.

"Not that we know of. An hour ago he was perfectly fine." I frown. "What's wrong?"

Before he can answer I see a truck pull up. Out gets a man, his arms are covered in tattoos. He's wearing a black t-shirt and black jeans with boots underneath. His hair is thick and dirty blonde. He also has a five o'clock shadow. Damn, this guy is good looking.

I watch him grab a box out of the passenger side of his truck and step out, slamming it loudly. Yawning loudly, he comes over to the front doors. I look over at John.

"This is why I'm asking." he walks away from me and heads upstairs. I glare John's way.

I look and realize that the guy is in front of me causing me to jump. He gives me a smug smile. I roll my eyes.

"Hey sweet cheeks. I'm looking for Christian." he looks me up and down. "Know where he is?"

"Well, he's not under my shirt so back the fuck off." I say, causing him to laugh.

"Damn, I like you. Where is he though?" he asks.

"Why?" I ask. He rolls his eyes and pushes his way in. "Hey asshole. Watch it."

"Um, no?" he walks into the living room and stops. "Shit hey guys. Mia?!"

"Noah!?" she squeals then gets up and runs into his arms. He swings her in a circle causing her to giggle.

"Oh my god, you're fucking alive." he grabs her face trying to examine her then pulls her to him again. He's at least a foot and a half taller than her. "Shit, I'll come talk to you after I'm done with Chris. I don't want to keep the bro waiting." he kisses her cheek and picks his box back up.

He walks to the staircase and stops at the end. Looking over at me he gives me a dramatic wave. I stomp over to him and practically growl. I don't like him. When we walk up the stairs, I walk down to his office. I knock and Taylor opens the door. He thanks me and waves Noah in. I sigh.

I walk back downstairs and when I reach the bottom I see all the girls alone. I'm confused at first until I see them covering their mouths to hide laughter. When they see me they finally let it out. I shake my head and grin. Fucking stupid asses. Hannah then grabs my arm.

"That Noah was so fucking sexy. I love my Anderson, but damn." she whispers. I bite my tongue to hold back a giggle.

"Where are the guys?" I ask. They giggle.

"Getting snacks. Needed to talk about the bad boy." Kate shrugs.

"I'm sorry, when I have Christian I just don't think that. The guy looked good, but did you see Christian coming back today?" they all groan. I hide a smile.

The girls and guys had just arrived, so I sent the guys outside to wait for Christian to get back from his ride. Well the girls and I were all at the bar talking about what Christian and I did at the Parker family's ranch. They all looked surprised. I was as well when he texted me that day, but that meant he was opening up to be. I was happy that he was even touching me.

When I had turned to head into the living room with them I noticed Christian riding back in with Ben. He was wearing his usual tight pants and shirt, with his thick gloves he usually wears when working outside. I just wanted to go outside and lick him from top to bottom. The girls had to drag me away from the window.

"Well duh, no person has anything on our men." Hannah points. "I bet women are planning our death as they see us with them."

"Damn, and the looks Ana gets. It's unreal. It's hilarious how Elliot and Anderson pick on Christian for being hotter. Remember when that day that redhead tried shoving her face on his lap? The guys got a kick out of that one. Never seen Elliot or Anderson be so thankful having his brother as a slut shield before."

We are all laughing as the guys come walking out into the living room with more snacks. They have small smiles on their faces. Anderson looks at least of us and Elliot gives him a nod.

"Is Ana the only one who didn't say how the so called bad boy was sexy?" I fall back in a fit of giggles as the girls start blushing and covering their faces.

"Um, who's this sexy bad boy you speak of?" Kate asks. Elliot rolls his eyes but kisses her forehead.

"Smartass." he mutters.

"Why do you think he's here?" I ask. I really need to know, especially when I don't know the person. I'm losing my damn trust with people.

"The guys and I were just talking about it. Noah is one of our very close friends, and basically one of our brothers. He owns a tattoo and bike shop an hour away, but he lives close like we do. We haven't kept in touch with him because it's been an emotional shit storm with everyone." Elliot says.

"So since I saw his ink box in arm, either Taylor or Christian is getting tatted. I highly doubt it's Christian. Touch, remember?"

"Shit, it is Christian getting the tattoo. John asked me if he was drunk when he came in." they all look at me.

"Wait, Flynn's here?" Luke asks. I nod. "Yeah, Chris is getting it. I don't hear screaming so that's something."

I hear someone taking quick steps down the stairs. Looking over I see Taylor again. He has another beer in his hand, and is rubbing his eyes. What is wrong with him? He hasn't been the same since last night. Hopefully he doesn't get drunk on us.

…

I come walking downstairs to see Christian making breakfast as usual. He never made it to bed last night, or if he did I never found out. Surprisingly I had a good night's rest. It was weird, but resting.

Christian turns the stove off. He slides my plate towards me with a small smile. I squeal when I see bacon causing him to laugh. He walks over to me and gives me a small kiss and heads to make himself a plate.

I hear a loud crash and then someone curse. Christian shakes his head chuckling. When I look to the side I see Noah stomping to the sink and throwing his hand under the water. Then I watch Jackson skipping happily out the door causing Noah to glare at him.

"Damn dog has never liked me. What the fuck have I ever done to him?" Noah asks Christian.

"Breathe?" Noah scoffs, but then realizes I'm here.

"Hello broad with a bitchy attitude." he must get a lot of ass with that London accent.

"Hello bitch who must not have a broad on standby." Christian puts his hands up. He walks over to me and wraps an arm around me.

"Noah this is my Anastasia. Don't be an ass." I can hear the smile in Christian's voice. Noah rolls his eyes and steals bacon off my plate.

"She started it." he says eating it. I glare at him. "Can't believe this is the woman you were talking about. Ugh, first time you fall and you pick this gal."

"Asshole. Don't touch my bacon!" I snap. He raises his eyebrows.

"She loves her meat man." Christian hints. Noah gives a mischievous smile.

"Then you're good in that department." he snickers. I groan but Christian just chuckles along. Oh no.

"Please don't tell me you two are like the evil duo when you're together." I beg for that not to be.

"Well….." they let it roll out. People start walking into the room.

Anderson and Elliot stand at the bar while they let the girls take the stools. The girls are busy trying not to blush after what happened last night. Taylor shows up out of nowhere.

"These two are so fucking annoying together. It's irritating." Elliot says.

"No we're not." they says. Anderson laughs. "You two are like a couple, saying shit together. Fucking chaotic. Happens all the time when they're together."

That actually makes me smile a bit that Christian can have that type of bonding with a person. Christian is close to many people but he only has a special bond to Mia and his mother and it's not even something like this. This is an actual brotherly bond that I haven't seen in him before and it makes my heart swell.

I still don't like Noah though.

He walks over to Mia. I see a bit of jealousy on Luke's face, until Noah waves him over and starts asking him how he's been doing. Luke starts to relax again and the conversation begins between them. Hopefully Luke doesn't let his feelings get in the way so that he doesn't push a friend of Mia's away just as they reconcile.

I see Christian pull out his phone as it begins to ring and he excuses himself. He walks outside onto the back porch and puts his hand on his hip. After a moment I watch him start calmly walking back and forth side to side as if he doesn't have a care in the world. He smiles as he talks and nods. After a moment he hangs up and walks back in.

He looks relieved at what he just heard and he doesn't jump this time when I touch his arm. It causes me heart to beat faster.

"You look happy. Who was that?" I ask.

"Kennedy corporations finally gave up in waiting and thought we were going to beg. When they called back, Ros wasn't surprised. So she called me and asked me what to do. Told her to lowball it because they were most likely going to welcome the price either way. We might save thousands of people's jobs if it works."

"Thank fuck you didn't fall for Kennedy's tricks. Knew you were smart." he smirks.

"No shit." I shake my head and grin, pulling his mouth to mine.

He makes a low noise of appreciation. His tongue dips between my lips, running against mine. I run my hands up and down his arms, but stop as soon as I hear someone give a flirtatious whistle. I growl between Christian's lips causing him to chuckle.

"I bet that was fucking Noah." I snap. Laughter fills the room.

"You were right!" he says brightly. "Come on man, we have to finish up before my other appointments today. This is going to take awhile."

"I swear I'm going to kill him already Christian." I whisper. He licks my lips.

"Calm down my killer." he winks.

I watch as him, Taylor and Noah walk up the stairs and back to the office. It seems like Noah brings out the brighter side of him as well. Who the fuck is this guy and where did he come from?

"I wonder if they'll be done before the cookout." Elliot says. "Come on Luke, Anderson. Let's get the work outside done so he won't have to do it later on."

We all watch they guys walk outside. I can see Hannah and Kate practically daydreaming about fantasy cowboys. Good thing mines halfway there.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Seven**

 _ **Christian**_

I hear multiple noises. Shit, that's two dumbasses. I chuckle. I'm thankful that Noah's here and not some random guy or my ass would have backed out as soon as possible when I saw the man walking in giving it to me.

Noah was great though. He made sure I actually wanted this tattoo and that I wasn't drunk or being pushed into this. His eyes kept cutting to Taylor, which Taylor flipped him off. That calmed me down that those two were getting on, and they actually were. Noah was a marine just like Taylor and that surprised him.

When John asked me if I was drunk, I ignored him and just yanked my shirt off. He started cursing up a storm which made Taylor even blush. He was pissed when he saw the lettering and finally understood why I was doing this. No one has seen my chest except for Jacob, the doctor who saved us that day and a few nurses and they all signed NDAs. Jacob forced them to.

He wasn't as bad as Noah though. My office is half destroyed from where Noah threw a tantrum while I was still out of it. My chairs are broken and a few frames. Even my printer. Taylor had to stop him from getting drunk. Noah's having to stop Taylor from getting drunk as well.

When I woke up the first time I was surprised that I barely felt pain, especially with all of the work he'd gotten done. He had stayed up till three working on it. Now that I'm beginning to wake up and he finished darkening I start to feel a slight pinch but that's it. Shit, my whole body is so damn stiff. Probably for laying down for six hours.

I open my eyes and stretch my arms, groaning. I feel bones popping and cracking. Oh that feels great.

"Hello sleeping beauty." I hear Noah say. "The shit looks damn nice. Maybe my best work."

"Are the letters hidden?" I ask, looking down at my chest. Damn, he did a great job. I pull myself up slowly so that I don't get lightheaded. Taylor and Noah come over to help me. I shake my head. "I'm fine."

"Yeah, you can't see them at all. I can't do anything about the texture as you know Chris, but at least you can't see what the fucker did." I nod.

"Thank you Noah." he grins. "How much do I owe you?" he looks offended.

"You ass. You're like my fucking brother." he shakes his head. I smirk.

"Tell the people at my office?" he winks.

"You got it. Now come on, you need to check this shit out in full view. Where's your closest mirror?" I wave him forward and take all of us to the closest guest bathroom. I pick up my shirt before we go.

I open the door to the bathroom and turn on the lights. When I step in front of the mirror Noah shakes his hands out causing Taylor and I to laugh. Fucking idiot.

When I look at it I realize that Noah was right. I don't see the letters. I bring my fingers up and run them across the lettering and that's the only way I know it there.

Yes it's a memory, but I Taylor was right about one thing. I fought a battle even though I lost at some points and broke at others.

The branches are dark, thick, but broken as they running across my chest. The tree runs down the rest of the lettering and curves underneath my arm. It represents the tree they had me chained at for those several weeks. I even explained that to the guys, and both understanding with similar stories.

I throw my shirt on and push the guys out of the bathroom, turning the lights off.

"Pushy asshole. So, like it?" he asks. "I just want to make sure you are comfortable before I have to run back to the shop."

"I'm fine man. I'll see you later okay?" he smirks.

"Your ass better visit me at the shop or I'm coming to GEH."

"Does my ass care either way?" he shoves my arm and we all walk down towards the stairs.

When we reach the bottom I see the girls talking about something that I really don't know about. The guys are outside back and wiping sweat off their faces. Luke doesn't look bothered. His ass is used to the shit that goes on here.

"Damn, well I'll see you later." he walks over to Mia and pulls her to him, swinging her off the ground. I chuckle. It's going to be fun seeing Sawyers jealous ass. I don't have to worry about Noah, because he already knows about Sawyers thing for mimi. Shit, ever since high school. Now or asses get to mess with him. We're evil, aren't we?

"Bye Mia. Talk later, got it?" he orders. she glares at him. "Nice meeting all of you newbies. Well, some of you…" I watch Ana flip him off, causing him to chuckle as he walks out.

"Girls, go get the guys so you guys can head home and change. We need to get going and why are you guys blushing." I ask Kate and Hannah slowly. They get brighter.

I hear footsteps coming up behind me. When I turn around I see the guys. They look annoyed and it seems to be with their girls. Oh boy.

"Seriously Kate?" Elliot asks irritated. "Enough with this Noah shit."

"It's not that, I'm just still embarrassed about last night and I keep thinking about how you guys heard what we said." he rolls his eyes.

Anderson and Elliot are pissed as they leave the house with Kate and Hannah behind them. Mia is pushing Sawyer out the door telling him to hurry up so the can get home and ready. How am I in a relationship again? This looks fucking exhausting. I close the door behind them and walk back to the living room.

When I walk through the barrier Ana's lips attack mine. A sigh of actual relief escapes my lips, and not from the person but that we're actually able to get back to what we were doing before Noah had to piss Ana off.

I suck her bottom lip into my mouth causing her to whimper. Shit. The noises she makes drive me damn near crazy. As she pulls away from me I just pull her mouth closer to mine. Don't fuck with me right now Ana and just stop.

I grip her hand in mine and pull her to the couch, pushing her onto it. I see fire and lust in her eyes as I crawl over her body. She starts to move her hands and it causes me to freeze, but I realize it's to put them above her head. I grin, looking down at her. She smirks.

I dip my head and run my tongue over the side of her neck making her squirm beneath me. Her breathing gets quicker as if she's run a marathon. Running my hand up her shirt I feel the swell of her breast. She quickly wraps her legs around my waist pressing herself herself to my cock, causing me to stop.

Ana looks up at me as I start to remove my hand and unwrap her legs faster than a car on a high speed chase. I tell her to go get ready so we won't miss anything. Even though she's staring at me as if she's evaluating me, she nods getting up. Ana has a look on her face that I've never seen before. She looks as if she's thinking but as if she's trying to tell me something as well.

I watch her walk away and head upstairs. Shaking my head I just fall back on the couch and try to clear my head. Can't even fuck the woman I love. Pathetic.

…..

We pull up to my parents new home and are surprised to see that it's smaller than the other. Just a story tall. It's still a perfect family home. Flowers are surrounding the front porch and when we get out I see mom running up to me. She stops a foot from me and squeezes my hands. I watch tears fill her eyes.

"I'm sorry." I try telling her. She shakes her head.

"We shouldn't have pushed you." she chokes. "Come on, everyone else is here. Your dad is making steaks for Ana and burgers for Elliot." I smile. I fucking love my parents. I squeeze her hand and have her lead me in.

I asked we walk in I take a view of the new home. It is smaller. Very small. It's for the the best, so they won't feel as alone when we aren't visiting. She's already hung up every one of our pictures and made sure every memory is still here. I love this woman so much.

She pulls me out back and I see everyone is outside. I chuckle when I see the pool. They made sure that there was a pool. Elliot, Mia, and I was constantly in the pool twenty four seven, so I guess that's something else they knew they couldn't give up.

I watch Elliot throw Kate into the pull saying payback. Caleb does a backflip off the diving board splashing Elena. I can't stop the laugh that escapes me. Caleb grins, and I give him a thumbs up. Elena glares at us but I ignore the bitch. She shouldn't even be here.

I walk over to the talk and sit back and just relax. Everyone is in the pool playing some damn game, the only people sitting is me, Elena, and mom. Dad is too busy cooking to do anything else. I watch Luke and he's making Mia laugh more than I've seen her laugh before than besides with me and El. I sigh, I trust the man, he's my friend. But if he hurts her I'll kill him.

I hear someone tapping on the table and when I look over and see it's Elena. I roll my eyes. She looks hurt. Goddammit Elena, what do you want with me? When I snap my head over I see her looking down sadly. Pathetic.

"What?" I snap quietly. She looks up at me.

"I just want to know if you're okay. You haven't spoken to me in two weeks. I want to know why."

"Elena, I haven't talked to any of my family. I don't even know why the hell I talked to you. It was probably a habit. Now leave me alone." I'm starting to get initiated.

"Christian, please. I miss you." I glare at her. Does she miss Ana? What if there were others?

"Fuck off." I growl.

She tries to grab my hand but I feel water being splashed on us. Elena screams, getting up. I grin. She's like the damn witch, if she gets wet she melts. I laugh when I see Ana at the edge of the pool with an innocent smile on her face. She gives me a wink a sinks back under the water.

"Why the hell did you do that!?" Elena hisses. "You ruined my dress."

"Why are you wearing such a fancy dress at a family cookout anyways?" I ask.

"I like dressing up." her nose is practically in the air. "Some people like to every once in awhile."

"You always do…" I say slowly. She shrugs.

I shake my head and turn my attention back to everyone else. Elena's ass is usually who I went to before when things had gotten out of hand, and now I'm wondering why. The day I went to her was such a waste of my time but I just didn't want to be around anyone but hell I didn't want to be alone. The darkness has been taking over for awhile now.

Elena has been calling nonstop ever since and it gets worse when I don't answer her. She keeps texting me and sending me emails. I'm bout to go as far as putting her on my list of no visitors. She's pushing my limits. Elena is acting like Leila did. I shake my head in disgust.

As Elena keeps trying to start a conversation, I just get up and walk away from her. Glaring at me she asks me where I'm going. Oh my god I thought Ana and I were in the relationship. I just run and jump in the pool. When I come back up I hear people cheering and clapping. Fucking idiots.

I run my hands over my face and hair and when I open my eyes I see Ana swimming over to me. She looks like a predator trying to find her prey. How is she not mad at me after earlier?

Kissing on the cheek, she smiles. "Need me to kick her ass?" I grin.

"No baby, at least she got me in the pool." I run my hands under the water. "I need to make you wear a swimsuit around the house. You look sexy as hell baby." a small smile plays across her lips.

"Me?"I nod. "Says the man who has a wet and tight shirt on. You look so damn good right now Christian. If it wasn't for what was going on right now, I'd probably fuck you right now." she runs her fingers across my lip. I frown.

"I'm sorry. I just-" she covers her mouth with mine. After pulling away, she smiles sadly.

"One day you will be able to tell me what happened to you, and one day I'll be able to tell you the same." she runs her fingers through my hair. "Just know I won't push you." she whispers. I nod.

I fucking love this woman. I've been pushing her away from me, and even though I won't be able to tell her I'm glad she'll always be there for me. Hopefully she realizes that I'll never tell her what happened to me in that forest. It was just too terrible. Even to tell John.

Pushing away from her, I duck under the water and swim away to the edge. Pulling myself over I get out and go over to dad.

"Shit man, that's what you got?" I hear Anderson ask, sounding shocked.

I feel myself blush, as my best friend comes walking out of the house. I shouldn't have worn a white shirt. Crossing my arms, I keep my back to everyone else. I nod as he looks at me confused.

"Man, there's no reason to be ashamed. I have my own share of tats." he points out. "Why are you ashamed?"

"I really don't know…" I scratch the back of my head. Why am I? I guess I'm afraid they'll see the lettering. Noah and Taylor said that it's not visible, because of how dark Noah did the lettering but I'm still afraid to take my shirt off. Embarrassed. No, I'm fucking afraid for them to see the evidence.

I look up and see Anderson waiting for me to finish. The man doesn't get it, it's not his fault though. He doesn't know everything.

"How about we get you another shirt? Would that make you feel better?" he asks. I nod. He motions for me to follow him inside.

We get to one of the guest bedrooms and I see clothes discarded everywhere. I raise an eyebrow at him causing him to grin. He picks up his bag and grabs a shirt out then tosses it at me.

"Hannah and I were playing dress up." he winks. I roll my eyes and throw my wet shirt at him causing him to laugh. I slip on the dry shirt and sigh in relief.

"Thanks Shawn." he shrugs.

"Don't worry about it man. Nice tattoo by the way. It must have been hard getting it though." I chuckle.

"John sedated me." he scoffs.

"Cheating ass." we laugh together. "We better get back out before they search for us man, come on." he shoos me out.

We walks down the hall and see Elena. I groan inwardly. She's a fucking leech. A small smile spreads across her face when she sees me, but I quickly dodge her as she opens her mouth. Shawn chuckles as I make a run for it. I don't give a fuck. This woman is pushing it and I honestly don't know what her problem is.

"Lunch is ready guys!" dad yells. I see all of the guys climbing out of the pool, but the girls are staying in.

I walk over to the edge and wave Ana over. She swims my way and I grab her hand, pulling her out. I smack her ass and push her over to the table. When she looks back at me, I feel my heart begin to pick up. Too damn beautiful.

Shit, I need to do something. Something that can take my mind of the situation at hand so I can be with the woman I love again. What can I do? Maybe I should ask her. Ana usually has some great ideas, but then again they're really stupid and dangerous. I blow out a large breath and walk over to the table.

I need to do exactly what Taylor did. Conchar my fears and push the past behind me. How long will Jack and those men hold onto my life before my family and Ana be able to hug me? Before Ana and I can make love again? Hell if I know. I just don't want it to be forever.

I take a seat by Ana and she lays her head on my shoulder and picks up a piece of her steak. I chuckle as she talks through a stuffed mouth.

"Baby, the food isn't going anywhere." I whisper. "Slow down." she smiles.

"I guess I got to caught up in the conversation." she wipes her mouth off.

"Can I ask you something?" she nods, patiently waiting. "I was trying to think of something we could do that could take my mind off everything. I kinda need your help."

"What do you want to do?" she asks quietly. I shrug.

"Just nothing like picnics or anything like that. Nothing peaceful. I don't want to be as if I'm still." like I'm chained. She has a look of understanding cross her features.

"Don't worry baby, I get it. I think I know what we can do." she smirks. I narrow my eyes.

Okay, I just wanted a bit of adrenaline. Now I have a feeling Ana is about to push me to where the memories have completely vanished by the hold she has on my hand. It's tight and secure making me feel safe then again not because of the shit I'm about to get myself into.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Seven**

 _ **Anastasia**_

"Christian…" I Squeak. "This isn't what I had planned for us."

"You can stay here if you want baby." he kisses my hand. "But I'm going to have a little fun." he grins.

I had brought Christian to a mountain trail to help him loosen his mind. Ray had taken me up here when things had happened. It would be a visit every weekend up to the top. It always helped my nerves and made me forget everything that ever happened. Almost everything.

It's very steep, maybe a few thousand feet. It's also very beautiful and gives you a peaceful feeling. My main reason for bringing him here was for that reason. But Christian seems to have other plans for this steep mountain. Damn it, why did I think about this.

He had called Taylor to bring him a harness and a few ropes. Let's just say that Taylor was confused as hell. But when he found out what Christian was doing he wanted to join in on the so called 'fun'. Asshole didn't even try to help me try talking Christian out of it. Ugh, Taylor is supposed to be on my side right now!

Christian is running his hands along the wall of the mountain then he looks over at me. The smile on his face grows. It's infectious and I can't help but smile as well. I haven't seen him this happy in a long time.

"Please, be careful." I bite my lip to hold back a sob. He rolls his eyes causing me to glare.

"Baby, I've been in worse situations." he says, running his fingers over my neck. "I need to live again. Make the memories fade away." so that's what it's about. He just wants it all to go away. He wants every bad thing that happened those few weeks to go away. I'll give this to him. Whatever he wants, he deserves.

I grab his hand and kiss the back of it. "Just be careful. I love you and have fun, okay?" he grins, and brings his lips down to mine. I feel his arms wrap around me and when he pulls away, he winks at me and runs over towards Taylor who already has his gear on. He is practically bouncing in place. Fuck, I can't watch. I have to though. No I don't. Yes, I do. No. Shit.

I watch them climb up the side of the mountain, talking and laughing. It's worrying me that they're not concentrating on the task at hand and are more focused on idle chitchat. Oh, I'm going to have a heart attack. What if one of them fall? Oh, I need to remember to kick Christian's tight ass for making me feel this tense.

I begin to tense as they are halfway to the top. I start to pick at the skin on my nails. I haven't had sex in weeks and my body is tense as hell. I don't know where to get a damn massage, because I usually had gotten them from _Esclava._ My nightmares are even coming back because Christian doesn't want to sleep in the same bed as me. Life is practically going to hell. Complete hell.

I gasp when I see Christian's foot slip, but he gets it back in place in seconds. They slip causes both Taylor and him to laugh. What the hell is wrong with these two! They could get themselves killed!

"Christian, please be careful!" I shout up to him. He just waves me off.

"Baby, calm down. We're almost there and then will come back down." he looks down at me with that grin again. I groan, and turn around. Yeah I'm not watching.

Rocking on my heels, I'm still waiting for them. I pull out my phone and look at the time. It's been over an hour. Where are they? The two should have been down by now. I should turn around. I need to know if they're okay.

I slowly turn around and see Christian walking towards me, harness still on. Letting out a breath, I can finally relax. If this is how he's going to be from now on I better get some medication for anxiety.

Christian gives me a small kiss on the cheek. Okay, now that felt a little better. At least he knows ways to calm me down. I wrap my arms around his neck, bringing my lips to his. I make sure not to touch my body with his.

"Please tell me that was it with your dangerous stunts." I say against his lips. He pulls away from me with a small mischievous smile.

"Sorry baby, this is just the beginning." I groan, but he shuts me up by pressing his lips back to mine. "Just wait till tomorrow."

My eyes widen. "What's happening tomorrow?!" I squeak.

"Something fun, and you are joining me." I bury my face in his neck and whine.

"You are going to be a piece of work." I sigh. He just chuckles.

"Come on, we have to get going anyways." I frown as he takes my hand and pulls me with him.

"Why?" he stays quiet, but when he looks at me pain flashes in his eyes. All he does is say one word.

"Flynn."

We head over towards Taylor and see that his harness is off. He looks so carefree right now and it makes me smile. These two are going to be pushing their limits. And mine.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Eight**

 **Christian**

I take my time walking to Flynn's office today. Today is going to be different from all the other times I get counseling. John told me about a therapy group that he conducts. It's for victims of rape and sexual assault. He told me about it the other night when they had to force me awake.

John thinks that listening to other victims will help me understand that I'm not alone. That even what I went through, someone will understand. It took me awhile to just listen to what he said. He said I didn't have to talk, that I could just listen if I wanted to. John said he would be with me every step of the way like he always is.

Taylor and I walk into the building and he takes his usual spot on the couch to wait on me. He wishes me good luck before I walk down the hall. Sweat starts to gather on my forehead as I get closer to the door at the end of the hallway. Maybe I can't do this. I should just start drinking to make the memories fade away. That wouldn't be good for anybody else though.

I walk in front of the door and already hear voices. People are randomly talking about things, so I guess the session hasn't started yet. I take a deep breath before opening the door.

It gets quiet as I take a step into the room. When I look around the room, I see that there are seven women and three men sitting in a circle. Some look scared and others look exhausted, like they haven't slept in days. My heart breaks for all of them.

I finally notice John sitting up front beside two women. He smiles at me and waves me in. I hesitate. Don't worry, John told you about this because he thinks it will help. I can trust him.

It takes me over a minute to move into the room. I can't keep the door cracked, so I can escape quickly if I need to. Shit, you can do this Grey. I close the door and walk to the only empty chair in the room. I take a seat and keep my head down. I can feel all eyes on me which makes me sink down lower in the chair.

A hand lowers on mine, causing me to jump. I look over at the small woman beside me. She gives me a sad smile before taking her hand off mine. I let out the breath I was holding.

"Okay, remember that all of you have signed NDAs. Nothing that is said in this room is allowed out. We don't mention anybody outside of the group as well." John states. "Do all of you understand?"

Everyone nods in understanding. Good, because I don't want anyone to know that Christian Grey was in therapy for rape. My name would be ruined and people would look at me differently. Not as the powerful Ceo, but a victim.

"Does anyone want to talk about anything specific?" John asks. I watch a woman with red hair and big brown eyes nod. She looks like she's in her early forties.

"My nightmares have gotten better." she says quietly. "It's easier to wake up each time and just go back to sleep. After a few times of waking up, the dream stops all together and I'm finally able to sleep."

"That's good Abigail. Two weeks ago you couldn't sleep at all. What changed?" John asks her. She gives a small smile.

"I found a picture of my old friends, when I was in the army. The four of us were in the gym, and it was the day I kicked all of their asses." I chuckle, causing her to grin. "One was the love of my life." tears start falling down her cheeks quickly.

"What happened to them, if you don't mind me asking." I ask her. She shakes her head.

"You're fine sweetheart." she wipes the tears from her eyes. "I was kidnapped on my wedding day and I was finally able to escape two years ago. I was stuck with the man and woman for sixteen years. They tried to make me marry my captor, so I ran. I haven't seen my friends since my wedding day." my eyes widen. Marry her captor? I think I'm going to be sick. Why does this sound so familiar?

After Abigail tells her story, everyone else begins to speak up. I think she gave them the courage to actually tell us all what happened to them. I don't know this woman, but she's brave for what she went through. She survived for over sixteen years. Not many people can do that, but she's a fighter.

One of the men begins to speak and it makes my chest tighten. He tells us about how his wife's ex husband tried to teach him a lesson for taking what was his. The man says his marriage is failing because he doesn't want to open up to her. She tries to be close to him, but he says it's better to push away than have her suffer like him. He said basically what I have. I guess this is our defense mechanism.

Everyone stays quiet for a long moment. It's not an awkward silence, but more terrifying. Like the room is closing in on all of us. I look up and see John trying to calm the woman beside him. She is trembling after telling her story of how her husband gave her to another man to settle his gambling debt.

"People thought I died a few weeks ago." I blurt out. John looks up at me. Everyone does. I take another deep breath. "I didn't. I was chained to a tree in the woods while they tortured me." I whisper. The woman beside me takes my hand in hers. I grip onto it like it's my lifeline.

"I didn't think things could get worse when they used me as a cutting board. I thought that was it." I use my other hand to wipe the sweat off my forehead. "But after a week, the man who held me captive brought five other men with him. He told me he had a special treat for me."

"They unchained me from the tree, and I was too weak to fight back. Maybe that's an excuse though, I don't know." I dash the tears away. "They just held me down and took turns. Laughing every time I screamed or cried. I just wanted them to kill me each day they came back. The routine was the same every fucking day."

"I close my eyes and see them. I get close to the woman I love, and I feel them. I hear their laughter, the vulgar words. It's always on replay." I sigh, letting the tears just fall. I can't believe I just told everyone what happened to me. Did I really just do that. Let complete strangers inside my head.

The woman runs her thumb over the top of my hand, trying to sooth me. She hands me a tissue. I take it and wipe away the tears, but they just keep coming. Ugh, I feel so stupid.

"You are not trying to make up an excuse." Abigail says, kneeling in front of me. "You were being taken advantage of and it's not your fault in the matter. You were a victim, yes, but you were also a fighter. Don't blame yourself." I nod as she puts her hand against my cheek.

"You're not alone sweetheart. You have all of us and John. Being alone isn't in our vocabulary." I give her a weak smile.

"Thank you." I whisper. She removes her hand and smiles at me.

"You're welcome." she stands back up and sits back in her chair.

I look up and see John looking down at his clipboard. He doesn't say anything for awhile. When he looks up, his face is a little pale but his eyes show how angry he is.

"Okay everyone, I think we should stop here today. Everyone is starting to get emotionally exhausted, and I think we need to take a breather." everyone agrees.

Before she leaves, Abigail gives me her number, telling me to call her if I need anything. I don't know if I can do this again though. I'm so tired.

Everyone starts getting up to leave. They all say their goodbyes to John before heading out the door. Now I'm stuck in here alone with this man. Shit.

"I didn't think you would talk." he says, getting up to come sit by me. I shrug.

"I don't know why I said anything." I look at my hands. "I feel disgusting John."

"I know Christian. I wish you didn't have to suffer through this." he says quietly. "Abigail was right. You have me whenever you need someone to talk to." I nod.

"I'm going to come over tonight. After finally opening up, your nightmares will get worse. I'll be there in case something happens." he squeezes my arm.

"Thanks John." I say standing up. I tell him I'll see him later and head out of the room.

I walk down the hall and back into the waiting room. Taylor is still sitting on the couch, looking through his phone. The man looks exhausted, and it's probably because of me. I hate doing this to everyone. Making them suffer because of what I went through.

Taylor finally notices me and gives a small smile. I just keep my expression blank. Now, I just don't feel like smiling. Like doing anything. I just want to go home and go to bed. I think Taylor understands, because he gets up and waves me forward.

He leads me out to the SUV and gets in. I don't feel like being alone right now, so I climb up front into the passenger seat. He doesn't say anything, just waits for me to buckle up.

As we start pulling out of the parking lot, I spot Abigail by her car. She is talking on her phone, laying her head against the door. I wonder what's wrong with her. I send a quick text to her, and she pulls away from her phone long enough and turns toward the SUV as we pull out. She waves and I do the same.

"Who are you waving at?" Taylor asks. I look back towards the road.

"A woman I met when I was walking down the hall. We started a conversation and she helped a lot." the last part is the truth.

"What's her name?" he asks.

"Abigail. I don't know her last name." I watch his hands tighten on the steering wheel. I raise an eyebrow. He sighs.

"Sorry, it's still hard hearing that name." he whispers. I frown. Wait…

She said she was in the army. Abigail told us that she kicked all of her friends asses, that no one could take her down. She told us that she was kidnapped on her wedding day… Taylor…

No, this had to be a coincidence. Taylor's Abby has been missing for years. If Abigail was his Abby, then why hasn't she came looking for him? This isn't his Abby, I'm just overthinking everything. I guess that's what I get for going to group therapy.

We pull up to the house an hour later, and it takes a moment for me to get out. Shit, I need to go lay down. It's barely even eight, but today's been exhausting enough. Hopefully the dreams aren't bad like John said they would get.

I tell Taylor to take the next few days off. When he tries to tell me no, I ignore him. The man needs a break from the drama of my life. As he heads toward his room, I head to mine as well. I'm not going to bother with a shower tonight. I'll just take one in the morning.

When I walk into the bedroom, I notice that Ana isn't here. Sighing, I strip out of my shirt, pants and shoes only leaving my boxers on. Before I close my eyes, I take a deep breath and think about all the good things in my life. What makes me happy.

Ana's smile is the first thought that comes to mind. My chest doesn't feel as tight anymore as her face flashes through my mind.

Closing my eyes, I finally drift off to a dark rest.


End file.
